The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumbfunnery’

Why You Should Fear the Internet

Conversations like these are already happening. Are you in the know?

Guy 1:

Guy 2:

Guy 1:

Guy 2: 😀 lol

Guy 2:

Guy 1:

Guy 2: no srsly

Guy 1:

Guy 2:

Guy 1:

Guy 2:

Guy 1:

Guy 2:

Guy 1:

Guy 2:

Guy 1:

Category:

Uncategorized

Tagged with:

A Little Story About Jogging

Today I woke up and I had the goal of going on a jog.

Actually wait, let me tell you a little something first. I just bought new sneakers and they are oh so pretty. They were a birthday gift from myself to myself – which makes me worry about how boring I have become.

Starting a story with an aside. What have I done? This makes me think of my grandparents. They’ll be talking about breakfast (old people latch onto boring topics), and then one of them will mention delicious cantaloupe, and then,

“Oh … yes … that cantaloupe was good. Wilbur, where did we get that cantaloupe?” The grandma asks.

“Hm?” The grandpa asks.

“The cantaloupe!” The grandma yells/whines.

“It’s good. You remember that really good cantaloupe we had?” The grandpa asks.

Quick note. Sorry, old people, for teasing you on the memory – I’ll have no memory when I’m old so justice will be served. Hell, God may even smite me down now. Where am I!??! BUT, seriously, old people, WHY do you remember the most worthless parts of stories? And again, I already know I’m doomed to this fate. “Oh I remember the day I met your grandmother …” I’ll say sweetly to my grandchildren, “it was cloudy.” And that’d be the whole story.

Back the to conversation.

“Wilbur!” The grandmother then says angrily, she seems to think her husband being old with the limited memory is a façade. Every day he wakes up and giggles, and whispers to the mirror, “I am such a prankster!”

“Hm?” The grandpa asks.

“Where did we get that cantaloupe?” The grandma asks.

“Mm. From Tom and his wife.” The grandpa says, without care.

“No! … It wasn’t them. It was Tom’s old neighbor …  who drove that Cadillac.” The grandma says.

Now, here we go onto a four minute car talk. Like a family tree, but of cars. “It was before we had the Buick … but after the (insert old people car here) …”

Following this we’d get back to the fabled cantaloupe, the story would conclude with no progress, with the final thing said being,

“Well, anyway, it was good cantaloupe.” The grandma would say this in an annoyed tone. She now somewhat hates the cantaloupe.

Anyhow – the run didn’t happen. I was too lazy.

Category:

Short Short Stories

Tagged with:

Young Single Guy with a Cat

Recently I had my birthday (my year in review video). I am now a 27 year old single, straight guy.

And for about 2.4 seconds I considered getting a cat.

Here’s what happened in those 2.4 seconds:

How others would see me:

  • Oh, I guess he’s stopped trying to date?
  • “Your roommate? … Oh you were kidding. Your ‘roommate’ is a cat … Sure, that’s a good joke. I’ve gotta go now. Forever.”
  • Somebody needs a hug.

Possible Cat Names:

  • Shiny von Stinkface
  • Meowser
  • Gisele Jolie Bieber (I would tell countless cat stories, and those names along with the word ‘cat’ would lead to waaay more hits for my blog)

Weird Frame-Worthy Pictures of My Cat and Me:

  • The cat with a New York Times propped against her, and me playing with a ball of yarn.
  • Have a friend throw the cat at my face – with the picture taken just before my face is scratched off.
  • The cat on a chair, me behind it (like your classic boring couple photo). Talk about fantastically creepy.

Also while looking for weird links for this check THIS OUT. Who knew plenty of fish had a message board, but what a brilliant post! “Do guys with cats stay single forever?” How lovely.

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

Tagged with: