The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘cats’

Attn: Ellen (2/10/16)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen250a

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Here we are, halfway through our catscream series (3/6). So, let’s get reflective? I guess? Largely because I don’t know what to say. We could say at the next full moon we will both spend a few minutes (82 at most) staring into the eyes of these cats.

Or not? That’s pretty weird even for me.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

P.S. JK! Let’s totally do the staring!!

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (9/23/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

How about this postcard, huh? My sister got me a set of SIX of these! All the exact same. So, what should I do with the five remaining Neapolitan cat cones? Any celebrity pals you want me to send one to? Or any other ideas?

What can I say – these postcards have me in a cat … atonic state.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (5/27/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I’m not positive about this … It’s just a guess really … So please feel free to give your impression but … Do you think the artist here is trying to convey that this cat murdered its family and now is painting them as some sort of celebration?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

P.S. Do you guys block postcards? I bet there’s a meeting about that topic this week.

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (2/22/12)

Front


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I’ve been “researching” (listening to music) SxSW! I’m going again this year and I’m excited.

I find the youtube comments on various videos very funny. Apparently it’s popular to get indignant and righteously tell people that “no, this isn’t brand <x> of music! This is …” and then you say something that sounds made up.

So I can’t wait to start my future techno reggae soul band. We’re going to be terrible.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

DumbFunnery Holiday Card

Young Single Guy with a Cat

Recently I had my birthday (my year in review video). I am now a 27 year old single, straight guy.

And for about 2.4 seconds I considered getting a cat.

Here’s what happened in those 2.4 seconds:

How others would see me:

  • Oh, I guess he’s stopped trying to date?
  • “Your roommate? … Oh you were kidding. Your ‘roommate’ is a cat … Sure, that’s a good joke. I’ve gotta go now. Forever.”
  • Somebody needs a hug.

Possible Cat Names:

  • Shiny von Stinkface
  • Meowser
  • Gisele Jolie Bieber (I would tell countless cat stories, and those names along with the word ‘cat’ would lead to waaay more hits for my blog)

Weird Frame-Worthy Pictures of My Cat and Me:

  • The cat with a New York Times propped against her, and me playing with a ball of yarn.
  • Have a friend throw the cat at my face – with the picture taken just before my face is scratched off.
  • The cat on a chair, me behind it (like your classic boring couple photo). Talk about fantastically creepy.

Also while looking for weird links for this check THIS OUT. Who knew plenty of fish had a message board, but what a brilliant post! “Do guys with cats stay single forever?” How lovely.

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