The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘friend’

My Zombie Roomy (2/15/13)

Where was I? Not literally … but theatrically! Story-ically!

That’s right, I was in the middle of the woods, surrounded by five zombies. Well, one Zombie and four zombies (the Zombino is a friend and way cooler than those other smelly dorks).

The zombie that was just walking up took her place by a tree, as did the zombie who had discovered me.

This created a weird collection of feelings within me. If I drew it in the form of a pie chart, it would look a little something like this:

Zombie Fear

95% Fear … 1% each for the other five. Who doesn’t dig a pie chart!?

As soon as the zombies had taken their places by their trees, the Great Zombino approached me. It was a slow, friendly approach. He looked me in the eyes and I knew he had good intentions.

Then he bared his teeth and came at my neck like a bat out of hell. I opened my mouth wide like I was going to scream but couldn’t find the noise, I was too shocked. My eyes and mouth showed a muted sign of fear. I’m not sure when it started but I also began to cry.

The Zombie stopped just short of my neck, looked up at each of the other zombies in turn and shook his head no. Then he looked at me again, gave me a little nod, and a gentle shove. He was telling me to go home.

(It felt a little rude … I felt bad for all the times I had kicked him out before people had come over to my place. Here I was intruding on he and his friends, and he saves my life. When my friends come over though? I spray him with Febreeze and shoe him. Then I set to work cleaning my apartment like I’ve got in-laws coming to visit.)

That’s it … It’s been a few days and I haven’t seen the Zombie.

Honestly I feel like I should be more afraid for my life, but thankfully I have Netflix so whenever I start to think and analyze the situation, I watch old TV shows.

It’s All About Perspective

Yesterday a good friend of mine (never mind the fact that I haven’t called him in a long time) had his birthday. I thought about this (and didn’t call him) … but I did decide to write about this funny story!

He went to West Point, or the United States Military Academy, and I went to Southern Methodist University, or rich-kid private liberal arts college. He and I probably had very different college experiences.

Before my freshman year of college I attended “Mustang Corral.” It was a couple of days where incoming freshman went off to some place, and we were supposed to bond and befriend each other and such. The group I was assigned to had some good looking, fun, outgoing, happy people – this made me sort of shut down. If I’m uncomfortable and around people who seem very comfortable, it’s time for my inner kid-who-sits-in-the-corner-and-just-daydreams to shine. Real wallflower power.

There are a few funny stories from that camp but that’s for another time.

I got back from the few days and had not managed to make any friends. I had spent the time hanging out with a guy I called Big John (in my head, not to him). He was a big fella from Texas who just didn’t talk. He and I could hang out, not talking, for up to an hour at a time. It was splendid. Thankfully I ended up seeing this guy Big Red (who I had met at some other orientation thing) and I found out he would be living right next door. Other than that, I left the camp worried.

I don’t know anyone here, my family lives super far away, I’m in college and what if I fail? … All this mess is scary.

Then, a phone call. It’s my best buddy from high school!

I answer the phone and he is PUMPED. Super excited and happy. You know why? Because he had finished Beast (the “orientation” cadets go through before their freshman year). And he was walking around in circles, because no one was around to tell him what to do.

He was so excited … About walking in circles …

It may be cruel, but I was really happy at that moment. I realized just how stupid my worries were – of course I was nervous, and of course I didn’t have friends (I didn’t TALK to anyone). After I got off the phone with my buddy I went next door and met Big Red’s roommates (I didn’t care much for any of them – but it was still a good thing to do).

Happy birthday to my friend who has helped me without knowing it more times than one! And … I really should call you sometime.

A Plea to My Friends

You know what is really unlikely? Super heroes. I just can’t imagine that there are people out there who can fly, or who have super strength, or can make stuff explosive just by having a Cajun accent.

But as unlikely as it is that there are super heroes, it’s even MORE unlikely that someone who is a best friend of mine is a super hero, and willing to tell me. Because you know what? Those super heroes are really protective of their identities. They struggle to decide if telling their best friend or romantic interest is a good idea. It could endanger the person they confide, it could endanger the super him or herself. Really, it’s a tough decision.

Beyond those in my group of friends – maybe there’s a shy super hero out there doing some cool stuff and he/she is keeping it on the down low to avoid detection.

Guess what though, folks. I know someone who is really good at keeping a secret. That someone is me.

Go ahead, email me, call me (if you have my number – or maybe one of your powers is an ability to sense people’s phone numbers – I don’t know). Lay it on me.

“Hey … got a minute?”
“Sure, what’s up? / Long time no talk! / Who is this? / How did you appear in my bedroom, and why are you wearing a skin tight outfit?”

Look at that. Look at how I am there, for you, my super hero friend. Lay it on me. So please, friends, I beg of you, I am pleading!, feel free to confide in me. It’d be super cool.

Unrelated side note: If you want to call me and you pretend to be a super hero but then just talk about emotions I’ll be really annoyed.

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