The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘super hero’

Attn: Ellen (12/11/13)



Back (apologies for my handwriting!)


The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

How have I yet to eat at a restaurant called Super Gyros?

Perhaps more importantly, would ‘The Aquaman’ be only a summer sandwich or year-round dish? Either way, it’s probably not popular.


Why am I doing this?

A Plea to My Friends

You know what is really unlikely? Super heroes. I just can’t imagine that there are people out there who can fly, or who have super strength, or can make stuff explosive just by having a Cajun accent.

But as unlikely as it is that there are super heroes, it’s even MORE unlikely that someone who is a best friend of mine is a super hero, and willing to tell me. Because you know what? Those super heroes are really protective of their identities. They struggle to decide if telling their best friend or romantic interest is a good idea. It could endanger the person they confide, it could endanger the super him or herself. Really, it’s a tough decision.

Beyond those in my group of friends – maybe there’s a shy super hero out there doing some cool stuff and he/she is keeping it on the down low to avoid detection.

Guess what though, folks. I know someone who is really good at keeping a secret. That someone is me.

Go ahead, email me, call me (if you have my number – or maybe one of your powers is an ability to sense people’s phone numbers – I don’t know). Lay it on me.

“Hey … got a minute?”
“Sure, what’s up? / Long time no talk! / Who is this? / How did you appear in my bedroom, and why are you wearing a skin tight outfit?”

Look at that. Look at how I am there, for you, my super hero friend. Lay it on me. So please, friends, I beg of you, I am pleading!, feel free to confide in me. It’d be super cool.

Unrelated side note: If you want to call me and you pretend to be a super hero but then just talk about emotions I’ll be really annoyed.

Attn: Ellen (5/16/12)


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I’m getting back into working out now. I had to take a break after the MS150.

Sometimes I think the best part of being a super hero would be that you’d always be fit. Form-fitting colorful spandex should clearly be limited to fat cats and super heroes.


P.S. Actually I just thought of a great idea! If you want to be a good actor/actress – perform your role in spandex first. If you can “emote” in spandex, you can do anything.

Why am I sending these postcards?

Attn: Ellen (10/14/10)


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

As an FYI, the postcard is from when I went to a Giants game – it was a free giveaway!

The text of the postcard is:

Dear Ellen,

In light of it being the baseball postseason I will tell you an interesting baseball fact:

Between innings 2 – 8 I think about what it’d be like if I was a super hero, or maybe just in really good shape without having to ever work out.

The interesting fact is that 74% of baseball players are thinking the same things.

About me.

Creepy, I know.


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