The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘NASA’

Attn: Ellen (8/8/18)

Front

Ellen360a

 

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen360b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I’m calling it now – if Trump gets a second term he’s going to have NASA stamp his name on the moon in giant text.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

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If I Squint My Eyes Just Right, You Sure Are Pretty

Yes, friends, the International Space Station (ISS) will have two residents for a full year: American astronaut Scott Kelly and Russian Cosmonaut Mikhail Kornienko. Which is awesome and nuts (the typical mission is half this duration, a mere six months in OUTER SPAAAAAACE!!!).

Astronaut Scott Kelly, left, says he doesn’t want “to Russian to things with Korni.” (Russian Cosmonaut Mikhail Kornienko, right.) At least that’s the only thing I can think of that would lead to this posed shot.

There are seven main areas of focus during this year-long mission:

  • Functional
  • Behavioral Health
  • Visual Impairment
  • Metabolic
  • Physical Performance
  • Microbial
  • Human Factors

If you want to read more about this, you should! You can check out this article from nasa.gov or any number of articles that have been written about it.

What I’m interested in is the emotional impact, specifically:

  • How will relationships over such a long and very real absence change? Scott, with two children, and Mikhail with a wife and daughter … Plus undoubtedly extended friends and family. What will the relationships look like at the end of the mission as opposed to the start?
  • How complicated will the handshake sequence be at the end of the year? (e.g. Shake hands, bump fist, pour imaginary contents into imaginary test tubes, pretend to wait patiently for the results, read imaginary lengthy report, look shocked, pretend one of the guys is pregnant and the other guy is the father, go through incredibly long montage of classic pregnant man moments, pantomime birth, show that the child is … SCIENCE)
  • Will the feelings of isolation evolve into a mistrust of what could end up as a disembodied “voice in the sky” telling them their daily schedule? (The schedules for the astronauts are communicated to them from the ground, at Houston’s Johnson Space Center.)
  • Will they, to keep up physical performance, engage in wrestling? After all, it is a resistance-oriented form of work out and the resistance is supplied by another person (ideal for situations where there is no gravity). Also wrestling can become ideal as time ticks and human contact becomes … missed.

P.S. In addition to the study on the two people on board the ISS, there will be another study comparing Scott Kelly to his twin brother and fellow astronaut, Mark Kelly.

Asteroids, Check Yourselves

From Jack Handey, an old “Deep Thoughts,”

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.

Now, from the 2014 NASA Budget (bolded text done by me),

This budget enables significant progress toward the ambitious exploration objective that President Obama laid out in 2010: Send humans to an asteroid in 2025 and to Mars in the 2030s. Using critical national capabilities advanced by the Administration, such as game-changing technologies, detection of potentially hazardous asteroids, and the Space Launch System and Orion vehicles for human exploration beyond low Earth orbit, NASA will begin work on a first-of-its-kind asteroid retrieval mission.

This mission to identify, capture, redirect, and sample a small asteroid would mark an unprecedented technological feat that will raise the bar of what humans can do in space.

Maybe an asteroid said something mean about Obama’s mom, I’m not sure. But we’re out to get you, asteroids, so WATCH YOURSELVES.

P.S. I’m just kidding, but that is some pretty nuts technology, huh? Here’s a little 11 page PDF about the satellite thing if you feel like being a geek.

Obama Asteroid NASA

This asteroid needs an … attitude adjustment! (Get it? Because attitude can also mean … eh whatever.)

NASA Rave

You know how it goes with the internet. You open a web browser to search for something important, for example, “who is the black dude in Predator that’s not Carl Weathers” (it’s Bill Duke).

Then, from there, logically, you wonder what sort of invisibility cloaks actually exist in real life.

Finally, through this and that and a weird side-trip to visit the grumpy cat (I’m crazy for this cat – she makes me happy) … and then … what do you know? You discover that NASA is plotting a giant outer-space based rave.

They’ve got these SATELLITES, MANNNNN, and they’re gonna, like, project these giants strobe lights and it’ll be like woaaaaaaah and everyone will not be able to stop themselves from like DANCING or something mannnnn.

No, really, it looks like a funny outer space dance party. See?

NASA Rave

Does NASA also have vans scattered throughout the globe with giant speakers and a Diplo track at the ready?

In reality, the satellites are there to observe the weather – in particular, tropical cyclones. Click on the picture to read more about the satellites. And, while you read about them, dance, dance, dance!

P.S. The satellites are known as the ‘A-Train’ … come on, clearly dance-inspired.

Challenger 7 Memorial Park

Houston Park

Houston Park

Houston Park

Houston Park

Houston Park

Houston Park

Attn: Ellen (11/14/12)

Front

NASA Ellen DeGeneres

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres History

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

History is full of great quotes, but you know what it lacks? Narrated rejoinders! “Failure is not an option,” he said with a smirk. “We have nothing to fear, but fear itself,” he said coyly.

See? What fun!

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (7/27/11)

Front


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is:

Dear Ellen,

Bummer about the space shuttle program ending, huh?

I heard Congress is considering cancelling outer space, too!?

Money’s tight all over I guess.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

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