The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘nursery’

Pregnancy Lego Kit

Lego, you owe me one (and you are welcome to pay me back in Legos … I really, really like Legos).

How about a Pregnancy Lego Kit! No, really, hear me out.

Lego is CLEARLY marketing itself toward geeks ages 20 – 40. A Voltron set? A James Bond car set? All the INCREDIBLY fancy, awesome, and VERY expensive Star Wars things? (See: $800 Millinium Falcon, $350 Cloud City, $500 Death Star, and on and on.) And you know what? It is working. I want all of it. ALL OF IT.

There is a kit that is $40 from the Lego site, $32.99 from Target right now (not that I’m paying attention) and it is just a bunch of figures doing outdoorsy stuff. One of them is a dad wearing a Bjorne with his baby inside it. I WANT THAT.

I would also guess that most of the Legos are being purchased by males. So this Lego Pregnancy Kit would be a fantastic gift for a soon-to-be (or already-is) father. But, I’m an equal opportunity Lego lover, it would also make a great gift for soon-to-be (or already-are) moms.

The kit would include:

  • a TV
  • a couch
  • two guys and two ladies to cover your bases for same sex couples or not
  • cleaning supplies
  • a nursery (one wall could be blank, one wall could have a sticker on it of some classic nursery look)
  • painting supplies
  • little Lego heads that are terrified on one side and happy on the other side
  • a fridge
  • a fast food bag
  • a little bag with clothes in it
  • etc, etc.
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You could also include an ewok just because they’re adorable little guys.

The sky’s the limit here, people.

Hop to, Lego. I’ll take whatever you want as my prize (hint: Lego guy with baby in the Bjorne.)

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Nursery, Part 1

Room Prep (not pictured: me awkwardly carting stuff to the basement)

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Base Layer – color OK!

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Testing the other colors – 2 were rejects

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Another layer, plus testing the newly bought colors

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Annnnd another layer …

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We have a sky, people! I REPEAT – A SKY!

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Alllllmost therrrre …

 

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Et, VOILA!

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The Baby’s Room

Deciding how to decorate your child’s bedroom is an important step in raising a child. It can really set a tone for how you want your child to turn out, what kind of relationship you’d like to have with that child, and most importantly, it will determine how many likes you get on various social media platforms.

Let’s say you’re a doctor, and you have terrible bedside manner, would you like your child to be cold and calculating like you? Why not all white? It’s simple, elegant (ish) and it says, ‘happiness? NOT IN MY HOUSE.’

What if you want your kid to be more likely than the average child to turn into a serial killer? Try the Tory Burch exclusive color, ‘painstakingly pink.’ But here’s the thing, while most parents are decorating the nursery, you should decorate yourself in this color as much as possible.

Now, it may be clear to you at this point that I know a lot, and furthermore, that I’m worth listening to. Yep, I agree.

How about a kiddo that you have no particular aspirations for? Try a beautifully painted, furnished, and decorated room … with this secret: a few very small and subtle clowns painted in random places. Consider that kid a shoe-in for least likely to succeed.

As always, we at DumbFunnery care deeply about our readers, and if anyone has any child-rearing or future child-rearing questions, we don’t have the answers, but we do have a very detailed and unsettling set of follow-up questions. Hit us up @DumbFunnery or with an email to DumbFunnery@gmail.com. Or, just look behind you. I’m right there. I’ve been there the whole time.

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