The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘painting’

Nursery, Part 1

Room Prep (not pictured: me awkwardly carting stuff to the basement)


Base Layer – color OK!


Testing the other colors – 2 were rejects


Another layer, plus testing the newly bought colors


Annnnd another layer …


We have a sky, people! I REPEAT – A SKY!


Alllllmost therrrre …






Attn: Ellen (2/22/17)



Back (apologies for my handwriting!)


The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Do you think this was commissioned? And if so, do you think the person looked at this and thought, ‘perfect! I love when people recoil in fear upon seeing a painted portrait!’ Don’t get me wrong, I think this is amazing and nuts, but it is a little creepy crawly.

OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

“Portrait of a Boy” by Chaim Soutine

Portrait of a Boy Chaim Soutine

Portrait of a Boy, by Chaim Soutine, 1928

Father: Hi Chaim, nice to meet you.

Chaim: Hello, it’s nice to –

Boy: Father?

Father: Yes, please, one second, I’m talking to the artist.

Chaim: I will be painting your son today?

Father: Yes.

Chaim: Do you have any special requests?

Father: Make him look sassy. And like half his face is melting off.

Art Champions of the World, part ii

Check out the fruits of our artistic labors the first time we (that is Airplanes, Rainbow Speak and I) painted!

French Fries



Rainbow Speak


Attn: Ellen (5/2/12)


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

This is the famous scene where Joe finally found out about birth control.

Joe, crushed, said with exasperation, “but it’s the only thing I’m good at! … well that and pulling off this red sash.”


P.S. I guess I should explain when I first saw this painting I pretended red sash guy was saying “look what I made!” and gesturing to the room.

Why am I sending these postcards?

Art Champions of the World

Recently Airplanes, Rainbow Speak and I did one of those BYOB art things. They seem to be getting popular. I’ve seen lots of names for them: Pinot and Picasso, Painting with a Twist, Painties in a Twist, Rum and Rembrandt, Vino and Van Gogh, etc. (Some of those I made up just now.)

It was a lot of fun. Here’s our brilliant art.


(Who stuck very close to what we were told to do.)


(Signed with my artist name, D.M. Dorcesthire)

Rainbow Speak

(Not that you can win at art, but that night he won at art. Just look at the pirate ship.)

Weekly Wacko (59)

Christmas is over. (Booo!) Back to work. (BOOOOOOOO!)

But I wanted to show off some of the Christmas loot (self cross-promotion what what!) …

My sister and I – I’m not sure who came up with the idea, probably her – decided to do a ‘Kwanzaa Christmas.’ This title doesn’t really mean anything, so please put no emphasis on it. The extent of my knowledge of Kwanzaa can be seen in this clip:

To us, ‘Kwanzaa Christmas’ was that we would make our gifts.

Since none of us are particularly gifted craftsmen/women, this basically meant it was going to be a weird, crappy-gift Christmas. On the plus-side, we thought it might be a little more thoughtful and it would save cash-money.

Here are some of the gifts:

These two paintings were done by the sis for my brothers’ kids.





These two were done by me for the bro’s kids. The 4 were a set. Just what kids love huh?







The two ‘puzzles’ above were to my sister (top) and brother-in-law (bottom). The painting on the right is notable because the girlfriend unit painted it for me, AND it won (unofficially) ‘most racist gift Christmas 2010’ gift!

It stems from a dumb joke I made to my brotha-in-law (a black dude), that he should leave some crackers at my parents house so he could call and say, “how are my crackers doing?”


The sisters’ main gift to me. JEALOUS!?

A necklace from the sis to the mom and a purse from the sis to the sis-in-law. Fancy, eh?


The sis and bro-in-law made various foodstuffs for family members too. Moonshine for the brother and his wife, some fancy olive oil thing for the parents.


The sis-in-law put together a cool series of pictures for E$ and the brotha-in-law, involving pictures from some of their places that each represent a letter. Combined, the series of pictures spells out their last name.

All in all, a pretty good 1st Annual Kwanzaa Christmas.

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