The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘porn’

The Porn Industry and the Ever-Increasing Rise of Robot Technology

We’ve got a real dilemma on our hands here, don’t we porn industry?

I am going to be bold and predict that in 10 years all of the major pizza chains, your Papa Johns, your Pizza Huts, your Dominoes, your … other ones? … will no longer be hiring delivery boys or girls. Nope. It’ll be self-driving cars. Your pizza will ACTUALLY show up still hot because the car will be a self-driving, 200 degree pizza toting pal.

Sure, sure, that’s all well and good for the average pizza consuming person but … what about the porn industry?

Are we to expect that extraordinarily desperate and lascivious women are waiting, scandily clad, by their door for the pizza … vehicle?

IMG_20180818_072724578

The pizza of choice for Racist Robots.

I don’t think so.

Car: ‘Pizza for customer … Wanda Bang.’
Women who just dropped her towel: ‘Oh … hi. Self-driving Ford Fiesta. I’ll just take the pizza. Thanks.’

Yes, people are weird. SUPER WEIRD. But how big is the market for girl on truck action? Like, not literally girl ON truck … clearly there is a market for that based on how many rednecks you see with bumper stickers of women on their trucks. No I mean girl on truck as in like … you know … that thing …

I don’t know what to do. Slow down technological progress? Stop it altogether? Pretend delivery boys still exist? New porn ‘plots’?

I’m afraid I don’t have any solutions, but I just wanted to point out the problem and hope the internet hive mind can come up with a brilliant solution.

The Internet is a Teenage Boy

Awkward Quick Hits

I went to a big meeting and asked a question which was not a question but really more of a complaint about the current setup for the project the meeting was about. Later that day I was walking to the bathroom, and from the other end of the hallway my boss’s boss was also walking there. He said, “you troublemaker!” I laughed and went in the bathroom. Then he came in. We ended up sitting in stalls next to each other … I wanted to either undo  my being in the bathroom or shout, “HERE COMES TROUBLE!”

I was hanging out with a friend, along with her girlfriend and another friend of ours. My friend said something about liking chick-chick flicks. Then she asked if I knew what that meant. I assumed it meant a really girly chick flick, but then something about how she asked made me think – wait, “she’s talking about girl-on-girl porn??” Then, after I mentioned porn, she became embarrassed for me and explained that chick-chick flicks are a romance movie where the two characters who fall in love (not lust) are girls. Whoops.

I went out on the town with some friends and was introduced to friends of my friend with this – “This is Brad, he’s a really crazy dancer.” The response from one guy was, “I can tell by his bone structure!” Later the three of us walked over to a group of girls to try and muster up the courage to talk to them (I talk a big game and say ‘let’s do it!’ then I chicken out). While we’re standing there a girl came up and asked if we had a lighter for her cigarette. We said no, then the friend-of-friend said, “this guy’s dance moves will light a fire though!” Then the two friends and the girl stared at me. I stared back – too much pressure! – and did nothing.  (But that line of his still cracks me up.)

And I’ll end with a brag – I was very proud of this little joke of mine. Two friends of mine and I headed to lunch one day, and when we arrived we got out of the car. There was a construction site nearby and a man was banging something metallic on something else metallic. I said, “that is the worst steel drum band I have ever heard!” (Actually I said that’s the worst Jamaican band I’ve ever heard – but I’ve revised the joke now that I have time and can remember what I intended to say.)

My Zombie Roomy (10/5/10)

WOW! Mind-blowing realization today about the Zombie, and all zombies, while at work!

I’ll share with you how I came to this thought.

I started thinking the Zombie is pretty asexual. He never talks about any particular girl or guy. No interest in anyone it seems – which I don’t get! The Zombie has a lot going for himself, and I think if he’d just put himself out there … well, never mind all that.

I was thinking about this whole ‘asexual’ thing and then thought, wait let me look up asexual to see that I have it right. And I did, but also there’s ‘asexual reproduction.’ And zombies reproduce by killing … so it’s like, equating it to most other animals, when a zombie kills you they’re having sex with you!

DANG!

Suddenly there are a ton of horror/porn flicks on the market. Sean of the Dead? Porn. 28 Days Later? Porn. That’s right, people, you’re into zombie porn.

Chew on that.

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