The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘taco bell’

Listen Up, Healthy Foods!

We all know that fast food commercials show a version of the fast food that doesn’t exist. Not even in their test kitchens. It is fake food, or food that is real but has been sprayed or modified to make it non-edible. (Think of that perfect slice of pizza, that when grabbed is left with the cheese being pulled between the pie and the single slice.)

I’m not going to talk about that, instead I’m going to talk about an ad for healthy foods. Why not something like this.

Fast food commercials show people happily eating fast food. Here is a Taco Bell dude happily eating Taco Bell.

And of COURSE these people are happy. They are eating foods that are not good for the body and through some cruel evolutionary twist that is exactly what we like.

What healthy foods should do, fruits, milk, whatever (various industries of healthier stuff) – show a commercial where you have people happily eating fast food. Then people eating something healthy with a moderate amount of enjoyment. Then show us those same people twenty minutes later, with the fast food-ers sitting next to a grease-stained bag and an unhappy look on their face, perhaps a statement to a pal, “why do we eat this stuff?” Then the healthy food-ers twenty minutes later, chilling out, happy, feeling good.

You heard it here first healthy food industry advertisement magnates (pfft, like you exist) – please credit me when you run this ad.


Day after day
Decision after countless decision
You live your life
Millions of quick yes’s or no’s
Do this, do that
Most of them are easy
Done without conscious thought
Some are made without you
Made for you
Some are Difficult
Involving thinking,
A choice between two pools
Of muddy water
Some you don’t want to make
And then
And then there’s the impossible decision
Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bells


I wrote this while eating at a combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell, and then read it to my friend. After I finished she shook her head and said, “I thought you were actually trying to write a good poem.” I laughed and said, “NOPE!”

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