The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Weekly Wacko’

Weekly Wacko (47)

“Where Do You Stand on the Important Issues? Like My Heaving Bosoms?”*

My senior year of college I was walking around campus one day when I noticed a little poster. They had posters, or little signs up, up all the time for everything. Sports, volunteer activity, blood bank (gross), student body, whatever.

At this time there was, apparently, a student body election going on.

I’m sure those college politicians did something – I was just blissfully unaware of it.

The election posters all had the same trend: a name, maybe a little slogan, a nice photo of the candidates’ face.

One poster caught my eye.

It was, of course, an attractive girl and … she wasn’t just showing her face. She had cropped the photo so that she could also show her, just being honest, nice chest.

I thought this was hysterical, pathetic, and possibly clever.

When I was hanging out with some friends later that night I brought up. I don’t remember exactly how the conversation goes, but here’s a guess.

“Have you guys seen the poster for that one chick [described her somewhat]?”
“Probably?”
“Did you notice she’s got a little bit of chest going on?”
“What?”
“She purposefully included a little bit of her chest because … well, you know …”

That’s when someone popped up to include a fantastic joke: “You guys, this election is not about a rack.”

A rack. Iraq. Get it?

*As far as the title goes, that’s not a real quote. I’d like to think, though, that had there been a debate at school – that she would’ve said that. Ooh, and it’d be neat if Fabbio was her campaign manager.

Yesterday Obama ended “officially”* the war in Iraq. Here’s hoping things work out well for the soldiers, their families, and that in the case of the good intentions in Iraq that the intent does equal the impact.

*I’ll offer this definition of when a war is over. If I found out a friend or family member was going to be stationed in Germany or Korea I’d say, “oh awesome! Buy an awesome couch for me!” If the same friend or family member was going to be stationed in Iraq I’d say, “I’ll pray for you and your family.” Again – let’s hope for worldwide utopia, eh folks?

To end on a lighter note,  as an Army Brat son of a West Point grad let me say –

Eat, drink, and beat Navy.

Category:

Weekly Wacko

Tagged with:

Weekly Wacko (46)

Simulated Loner

In high school I bought the video game The Sims. I was very excited about it. It was like my life – except my videogame-self spoke gibberish, and could actually get a girlfriend.
What a blow to my real-self self-esteem.

You start the game with X amount of dollars, which you can use to do whatever you want. Buy a low-end house, or build your own house. I decided to build my own house – excited at this idea.
I built this (relatively) rock-and-roll house, with a pool! That’s when I realized my character had no money leftover to buy, well, much of anything. I bought a toilet.
I had a beautiful house, a lovely pool, and a toilet.
I got a job in the game and made enough money to buy a ladder which allowed me to get in and out of the pool – this served several purposes. I really wanted to swim in that simulated pool, my guy could get buff swimming around, and I didn’t own a shower so I figured this would clean up the poor fella.

After a little while of struggling by sans fridge, couch, TV, shower, bed, etc. (I didn’t even have a chair) – my character began crying randomly.
I was incredibly excited by this discovery.
My character had become depressed!
This cracked me up to no end.

Eventually I abandoned that character. A female interest in the game had come over, and my character started crying. It was almost as intolerable as it was funny.

Character Number Two:
With character number two I built a more modest house, and got some furniture and the basic necessities.
I was surprised to learn you could set fire to your house when cooking on the oven.
Who knew?

Character Number ?:
Eventually I got the hang of the game and my character was advancing along nicely. The game informed me of something though, I needed to make more friends.
The game demanded something like five or six friends which I found unnecessary and rude.
I’m expected to, what, spend my whole night calling various people to maintain friendships?! UNRULY!

When a videogame demands me to have more close friends than I have in real life, that’s when I call it quits. If for no other reason than because it makes me realize how pathetic I am.

*This post was inspired by a long overdue call to JMinnie last night. I am very bad at keeping in touch with people – but beware friends of mine, I’ll be calling you soon!

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

Category:

Weekly Wacko

Tagged with:

Weekly Wacko (45)

Coming Clean

I’m going to tell you something not many people know.

What’s the big secret?

My cat’s name.

Her name … is (was) Nuts.

Nuts, the cat.

She got this name because she was crazy, aka bonkers, aka loony, aka nuts.

I didn’t usually tell people her name, instead referring to her as “meowsers” or “the cat” because, here’s a surprise, most boys don’t think ‘synonym for crazy’ when they hear the word ‘nuts.’ I was going to say I started doing this when I was in elementary school – but I realized I did this even until college, when she died. That’s because boys are perpetually stupid. Girls too, but we’re better at it.

Our dog’s name is Chaser (she got the name from a Big Dog t-shirt – “The Unleashables”). Chaser is not embarrassing to admit to, but for the sake of uniformity I have pretty much always referred to the dog and cat, not by their names, but as “the dog” and “the cat.”

Sometimes “the dog” is also called, “the pooch,” “the pup” and “the mutt.”

There you have it, the cat’s out of the bag … (I should’ve written for Frasier).

Category:

Weekly Wacko

Tagged with: