The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘weird’

Putting a Damper on Good News

Sometimes life is tough. I won’t give any examples because it is easy enough to know what I mean.

Sometimes, life is wonderful. Good news comes your way and makes you forget where you are. All you know is your smile and how great life is because life, at that moment, is just that bit of amazing news.

What I’m wondering is – how can announcements of good news be brought back to the realm of reality? What way could good news be delivered so that, instead of having to keep yourself from jumping with joy, you simply say, “…uh…cool…thanks?”

Let’s look at some examples …

  1. You could receive the news that you and your spouse, after trying very hard, are going to have a baby!!! … But the news is delivered by Richard Simmons, suspended from a rope, hanging outside your bedroom window.
  2. Your dream job is yours – all that work, all that preparation – it’s finally your day and you’re absolutely sure you’re going to OWN that job. This news delivered by an animatronic figure of a child, but with a 360 degree rotating head that finished sentences with a guttural cry to the cosmos rather than the traditional pause implying a period.
  3. You have won the lottery!!, this news is stapled to the back of a now (how would you like being stapled) angry lioness who has just charged through your front door. Time to pause “Scandal”, put aside your leftover pasta, and run for your life to the nearest place to claim your winnings.

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

Tagged with:

Cloning, and Al Roker

You know what would be the first thing I would do if I had a machine that allowed me to clone people? I would clone Al Roker, and I would try to manipulate the clone a little bit (think Brave New World, or genetic cookbook that allows recipe alteration). Here’s what I would end up with: a gang of Al Rokers!

But why, why you ask! I’ll tell you why. Allow me to introduce you to …

  • Al Smoker

Al Smoker is just like Al Roker, but he is cool. Or maybe has bad acne. Or can’t run so much due to the smoking. You know who makes Al Smoker look good though?

  • Al Toker

He has no idea what’s going on, but he’s pretty happy about it. How does Al Toker support his bad habits given he works eight hours a week at a McDonald’s?

  • Al Broker

What’s that? You think I forgot about today’s blog post til this morning when I was watching the Today show and this was the best I could come up with? Well … I wish Al JOKER was here, because he’d know exactly what to say in response.

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

Tagged with:

Ok, Teenagers, Listen Up …

Here’s what you say when you do something stupid. And, just to keep the parentals guessing, say something like this after you do something good, too.

I’m a high potential individual, and I need to continue to explore my potential strengths and weaknesses. By making decisions that may seem negative now, I am really just doing what I call “learning 360.” Sometimes a step in the wrong direction right now is a step in the right direction long-term. But really, the point of “learning 360” is that it’s too early to know what the “right” or “wrong” directions are, any movement is positive.

Boom – you corporate talked your parents.

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

Tagged with: