The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘clone’

The Loneliest Clone

I am a genetic experiment gone awry
But more than that – I think I’m a pretty nice guy

Just take a chance on me
Take a chance, and you’ll see!

If you could look past my rough exterior
To my superior interior

I think it’d be plain to see
I’m someone you’d like at your next party

The scientist admitted he was drunk when he made me
My fourth arm, for example, appears somehow racist and hazy

I’m a great listener despite having only one ear
But, may I just say, I don’t just listen, I hear

Tell me your stories, your jokes, your woes
I’ll be your devoted audience in smell-proof clothes

A good clone is idempotent
I have claws, fangs, fur, and I’m impotent

That said, a party would be better with my wit
On my search for friends, I’ll never quit

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Cloning, and Al Roker

You know what would be the first thing I would do if I had a machine that allowed me to clone people? I would clone Al Roker, and I would try to manipulate the clone a little bit (think Brave New World, or genetic cookbook that allows recipe alteration). Here’s what I would end up with: a gang of Al Rokers!

But why, why you ask! I’ll tell you why. Allow me to introduce you to …

  • Al Smoker

Al Smoker is just like Al Roker, but he is cool. Or maybe has bad acne. Or can’t run so much due to the smoking. You know who makes Al Smoker look good though?

  • Al Toker

He has no idea what’s going on, but he’s pretty happy about it. How does Al Toker support his bad habits given he works eight hours a week at a McDonald’s?

  • Al Broker

What’s that? You think I forgot about today’s blog post til this morning when I was watching the Today show and this was the best I could come up with? Well … I wish Al JOKER was here, because he’d know exactly what to say in response.

Fish

From the Bible, Matthew 15:35-15:36, “He [Jesus] told the crowd [4000 people] to sit down on the ground. Then he took the seven loaves and the fish, and when he had given thanks, he broke them and gave them to the disciples, and they in turn to the people. They all ate, and were satisfied.”

Original Fish: Wow! What is happening here?

Second Fish: Hey buddy! Aren’t you a handsome fella! (Laughs.)

Original: STOP THIS! STOP THIS MADNESS!

14th Fish: You know, normally I don’t like big crowds – but this group I feel like I can get along with. (Laughs.)

Original: Why? Why is someone cloning so many of me!

30th Fish: Is it a little hot in here or is it just all of you! (Laughs.)

Original: You know – you’d think someone would have a little respect for nature, and how God made us – but this guy here is just recreating me willy-nilly.

42nd Fish: Hey let’s sing row-row-row your boat! Staggered start-times and everything! Ready? Row-row-row your boat …

Original: Why would someone even clone so many of many?! What is the purpose?!

100th Fish: Oh how embarrassing – we’re all wearing the same thing! (Laughs.)

Random Human: Let’s eat!

Original: Oh.

Now you know why fish have that googly-eyed shock look all the time. Buh-dum-dum!

Boredom …

Hello, free time … it’s so nice to see you …

(The ‘me’ to the far right was a bit off with the camera angle – so I had to shrink me. I kind of like it, though.)

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