The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Y2K’

The Look He Craved

Joe was a practical man. When there was a potential problem he took practical steps to mitigate that problem. In 1999, when Y2K talk was rampant Joe bought a large number of foodstuffs to store away as a precautionary measure.

Now, in 2018, some of the foods were just a year away from hitting their expiration time.

Joe, practical as ever, decided to make a meal out of some of those to-be-expired foods and the meal almost made him want to commit acts of horrible unpleasantness. The food had not held up very well.

But, Joe thought, I can’t just let this food go to waste. That would be … wasteful. (Practical even in his word choices.)

Joe had been working for 32 years and approached work from a … you guessed it … practical perspective. Yes, some of his co-workers occasionally made him want to commit acts of horrible unpleasantness but you just grit your teeth and go on.

Perhaps, maybe, on occasion, Joe did little things to get back at his loathsome coworkers to level out his emotional state. Nothing extreme, just enough to balance the scorecard. For example, Joan prints every email she gets even though that’s dumb. Joe, Mr. Practical, got Joan fired by sabotaging the data she reported on to make her appear inept.

Ahhh. Wait. Joe. You did what?

Looking at this large stockpile of to-be-expired foods Joe crafted a plan.

No, seriously. You got her fired? That’s …

Joe began to make delicious looking dishes using this food and would bring them to the office on occasion. Never frequently, because people might start to leearn to avoid the snacks left out in the breakroom.

Joe. Dude.

But piece by piece, can by can, Joe got rid of his Y2K supply. And oh, that sweet reward. That look of bitter betrayel as someone would bite into what appeared to be a delicious snack …

Joe, seriously. I don’t want to be your narrator anymore. You’re not right, man.

Joe, ever practical, had already set his sights on what would come next for him. He knew he needed to continue to dish up revenge for those he felt did not live by a good set of rules. He was running to be HOA president. Joe knew he could continue to get that look of betrayel, acting as a dedicated member of the HOA.

Fin.

Guess who recently had a piece of very old Halloween candy when someone brought in a bag of leftovers? And guess who recently was annoyed by their HOA?

Your Friendly Neighborhood Blogger,
DumbFunnery

marketing man person communication

Some can of mystery meat making this man go insane, no doubt. Photo by Gratisography on Pexels.com

 

 

 

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Exchanges with Recently Awoken Coma-Patients through U.S. History

December, 1620

“Wow you have such beautiful cheek bones!”
“Thank you … I feel so groggy … Was I out long? Where am I?”
“You’re in your … My … Yes, my yard.”
“Oh, it’s very nice. It reminds me of my home.”
“You don’t say.”

July, 1693

“Well, in my professional opinion, witches aren’t real.”
“Whaaaat!? But all those teenage girls in Salem kept figuring out who the witches were!, and it was crazy too because ALL of the witches were people the teenage girls didn’t like!”
“Yeah … I’ll be back later … You just think about that.”

August, 1776

“What do you plan to do now that you’re back in good health?”
“Head back to jolly old England! My beloved home!”
“TRAITOR!”

April, 1836

“What was I saying?”
“You were trying to remember something …”
“Right, well I was trying to remember the Alamo …”
“Excuse me, sorry to cut you off but I suddenly have an overwhelming desire to wear a very ugly hat with some sort of faux-animal thing going on.”
“Would there be a tail attached to this ugly hat?”
“Yes!”

May, 1865

“How do you feel?”
“Ummm … What state am I in?”
“Why do you ask?”
“No reason … Do you prefer the color grey … or the color blue?”
“No! We’re past that! The U.S. is united again!”
“Ah. So you’re an optimist?”

November, 1929

“You were in a coma for a loooong time!”
“Well, glad to be back.”
“Yeah … You won’t be glad soon.”
“What?”
“Nothing. Can I borrow some money?”
“Sure! Easy-come, easy-go, baby!”

December, 1963

“The president’s been killed!”
“Dear God!”
“And you’ve been drafted!”
“Say what now?”

September, 1973

“Willie Mays hit another home run!”
“Wow! What a record he must have! I bet no one will ever break that!”
“I know it! And if anyone does, I bet that person is bad in the sack and also grumpy.”
“Agreed.”

January, 2000

“Happy New Year!”
“Happy New Year!? So it’s Y2K? Did it … Did our fears come true?”
“Are you one of those types that say ‘last people on Earth – oh no! Well, might as well have sex …?’
“We’re both men.”
“So is that yes or no?”

November, 2008

“OJ did it!”
“That murder trial’s been going on this long?”

February, 2009

“We’ve got a black president!”
“Black president of what?”
“The U.S.!”
“The U.S. of what?”
“The United States of America!”
“This does not surprise me in the least. Not one bit.”

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