The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘zombie’

My Zombie Roomy (5/7/12)

Little update on the Great Zombino for you.

If you recall, about two months ago Whitney Houston died. With the predictability of a stick falling, the news and radio channels then blasted Whitney songs for quite a while. Generally I would look for other news, but one day I didn’t.

That’s when I noticed something unexpected, and in a cruel way, hilarious.

The Zombie is AFRAID of Whitney! It’s crazy! He just stopped dead in his tracks, got this big old puppy dog look on his face and kind of shrunk into himself.

At first I was afraid because whatever scares a zombie is bound to be awfully scary, right? Not this time my friends! I turned off the TV because I wanted to listen for whatever he was hearing … and he just went back to his regular self.

I gave him my best “ummm … what?” look for a few long moments. Then I went to the door and snuck a look outside. Nothing. So I flipped back on the TV and his meltdown happened again.

After what some might call cruel but I would call scientific tests, I learned the cold hard truth. The Zombie is afraid of Whitney Houston.

I know it’s cruel, but this is good to know. As much as he and I are “friends” (it’s weird considering him a friend considering, well, you know), I still like knowing that I can stop him from deciding to eat me.

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My Zombie Roomy

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My Zombie Roomy (5/1/12)

Sometimes in life, you get lucky. You meet someone amazing. You end up dating this person and everything is wonderful and you wake up so excited and happy to have that person in your life. Then, after some time, you begin to see this person not as some source of drool-worthy adoration but as your boyfriend/girlfriend, and that’s that. You lose the awe (with occasional flashes).

It’s unfortunate, but it happens. In my opinion, it’s also a necessary step in a relationship.

On the flip side, you may date someone and think what an a-hole but you lose sign of the a-holery, and you just take it for granted that that’s how things are.

Why am I saying all this? It’s weird, but that’s the best way I can put how I’ve felt about the Zombie the past two months. I realized with some regret that it’s been two months since I’ve written about him but you know what? In those two months some REALLY WEIRD things have happened.

I’m going to be better about keeping you posted about this guy. I have to remind myself that not everyone has an undead roommate, so I can’t be all blasé about it.

This is a teaser of an update. I’ll tell you one quick thing. This started about three weeks ago. The Zombie (maybe some house nearby is being built and he found paint there?) has taken to eating paint. And, never to be a one-step-weirdo kind of guy, he then stabs a little hole in his belly and leaves a trail walking around at night.

I know it’s him because I’ve had to clean my carpet a number of times. Also the path leading to my apartment. And I’ve followed him a few nights (like I said before, I’m very single right now).

(Oh and guess what, the Zombie has no sense of direction! I hopped on my bike one day and followed around his last few nights worth of paint-trails and he goes in so many circles.)

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My Zombie Roomy

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My Zombie Roomy (3/6/12)

I’ve heard, possibly read (I really can’t remember) that dogs can be very in tune with your emotional state. They know when you’re down, and using their keen dog intellect they don’t make you take them for a walk right before bed? Who knows.

Anyway. I think the Zombie has something like this going on.

I am what I would call “actively single” right now. That’s another way of saying I haven’t been on a date in a while. The usual signs are there. I’m eating healthier. I’m exercising a lot. I’m reading more. It’s terrible. I do these things to primp myself until I trick some pretty lady into dating me, then BOOM, back to eating whatever I want and video games.

The Zombie, sweet undead fella that he is, has realized that in my actively single state I am wishing I had a girlfriend so I could be lazy. Also, you know, romance.

The last few hands I’ve caught him munching on have been men’s hands. With wedding rings on them. Isn’t the Zombino the sweetest?

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My Zombie Roomy

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