The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for February, 2010

My Zombie Roomy (1/29/10)

1/29/10
I moved in to my apartment officially today – I had the apartment for the past week or so, but I didn’t have any of my stuff in it so I wasn’t living there yet. Today my stuff came, so I feel ‘official.’

Anyway – I was surprised to find out a zombie lives in my apartment. Even more surprising is that I’m the only one who can see him. The movers thought I was crazy, so eventually I stopped saying, “watch out for the zombie in the bedroom.”

After the movers left I said, “so … I guess you’re my roommate?” He just sort of stared. I stared back. Then, and I can’t explain how I’m so chill with this whole free-loading-zombie-roommate situation, but I thought, why not? I decided to embrace the situation.

I’ll admit I was pretty ticked for a while, but I don’t know anyone here in Houston, so I guess having a roommate isn’t that bad. He’s real quiet, and kind of quirky.

Here’s an example of him being quirky –

“Hi, I’m Brad.”
“Brains.”
“No, Brad.”
“BRAINS!”

That’s when I realized he had already come up with a nickname for me. I guess I’m sort of smart, so brains is cool. I’ll have to think of a nickname for him though. If he didn’t call me brains, I’d probably call him that because he loves saying that word.

 

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My Zombie Roomy

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Animal Facts! (DumbFunnery, Pig-Nosed Turtle, Zebra, Ostrich)

Everything you didn’t know about your favorite animals!

DumbFunnery (the animal. not the person)

Thinks he’s being cute, but doesn’t realize he just drooled a little.

So over it.

Emotionally unstable, physically unstabler.

Has told “jokes” that people respond to not by laughing, but by saying, “aww.” (And there, he did it again.)

Can not wait for when it’s finally “acceptable” for American men to wear Capri pants.

Pig-Nosed Turtle

Giggles at the word ‘titillating.’

Is so out of touch. Once heard them say, “my son tex’s all the time – he’s always on his phone texing.”

Just cracked the same joke.

Don’t get me started about getting me started.

Ohhhhhhhhh NO he didn’t!

Zebra

Total dead fish in the sack.

Didn’t get the promotion.

Spends way more than they should on shoes.

They’re not sure if there’s any difference between themselves and deer. But they know with confidence they are not bears.

There really, truly, sincerely, ain’t no mountain high enough. And I mean that.

Ostrich

About two seconds away from a racist joke.

Has a ‘slippery when wet’ tattoo – I won’t tell you where.

They hate being shot, but love being mounted on walls. It’s a real cause for concern in their community.

Extremely beautiful – on the inside.

Laughs along with inside jokes they aren’t actually a part of.

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Animal Facts

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