The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for February, 2010

Happy Birthday to My Sista, E$

Some gems of emails from over the years (the current banner picture is her from when she was a tiny child) …

From around 2003,

“brad your email was very informative.
so yesterday i was trying to fax something and this black guy i work with called les goes “excuse me sister” so i turned to keith who was also faxing something and said “did he just call me sista?” and keith was like nah. so he comes back in and i ask les and he goes yea i did. you got the hair for it. so i mumbled darsh and got some strange stares.
peace ”

Work is sometimes tough –

“Spiked cereal on a Thursday??? Most people save that crap for Tuesdays.
Look at you, lush. This weekend will be nuts, I can already tell. Spiked
cereal for breakfast.
These poncho rumors are untrue, unfounded, and underrepresented.”

And, this dream which we finally fulfilled when I was home for Christmas:

“Skank face? I will punch you for that.
We should both wear some home made t-shirts tonight. If we had more time we
could make them some ridiculous ones and make them put them on.”

(At some point I’ll post pictures of the awesome shirts.)

Happy bday Stinky!

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De Jour of the Week (2/4/10)

2/4/10
A poem to my new paycheck – Texas’ taxes are lower than California taxes.

Helloooo Beautiful!

Just LOOK at you!
(And I can’t wait to meet your friends, too!)
I’m so happy I don’t even know what to do!

You’re gorgeous, you’re beautiful, you’re wonderful!
You light the fire in my very soul!
With you I realize before something was incomplete … and now it is whole.

What will we do, now that we’re together?
We’ll do something great – it’s not a question of if or whether.
I’ll be flying to Arizona, San Francisco, and wherever!

You make my heart sing
With the promise of video games you’ll bring
And pointless crap that two weeks later I’ll look at and say, ‘what the hell was I thinking?’

Oh yes, you and I, we’ll get along swimmingly
Ideas for things for us to do come to me far too easily
Just wait til summer and then … you’ll … see …

Texas. You tricky ho-bag.
My plan has hit a little snag.
My electricity bill will be WAY more here – in fact – my bill will be exactly as much as my pay increase so it all comes out even … what a misleading roller-coaster drag.

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De Jour of the Week (1/28/10)

1/28/10

McDonald’s at my desk + constant document reading = this poem.

Acro-Maniac!

Hi, hello, how are you! – it’s my first day
This is my background, how bout the weather here … this is all I say
“Here’s some reading material, have fun figuring it out, mmmk?”

Sure boss, no problem, I’ll hop right on it
With my determination and desire to succeed I am equipped
I’ll give it the old college try and these documents will soon be whipped.

Wait, what’s that acronym mean?
Whatever the hell they’re talking about is TBR, TBD (it remains to be seen)
Am I supposed to remember all this? I’m not a machine.

A list, my list, and what a list
I’ll keep track of all the acronyms so nothing will be missed
But with each new entry the list goes from scary, to scarier, to scariest

Soon I’ll become some sort of acro-maniac
Which is sort of like a brainiac
But a very limited one because it’s mostly a painiac-in-the-neckiac

And, what’s more, it’s ruining my personal life, and that’s no lie
A girl walked by, she smiled and said “hi”
And all i thought was ‘Hawaii? high integration? hypervelocity impact?’, meanwhile the female goes bye-bye.

Alphabet soup in a bowl is delicious
Alphabet soup on a page is malicious
And my ‘uhs’ and ‘ums’ are getting vicious.

So don’t mind me, the new guy, sitting in my cube and having a cow
With my worried eyes, wrecked brain, and a ten foot scowl
What!, free cookies in the break room!?! I feel better now.

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