The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for April, 2010

Weekly Wacko (30)

My Name’s Brad Stanley, and I Meet People from the Internets

I had debated writing a post about this for the past little while. The hang-up, of course, is a bit of embarrassment. But I think it’s cool when people openly embrace the fact that yes, they use bitOFdesperate.com or whatever (that’s not a real ‘social networking’ or ‘dating’ site, as far as I know, but that would be cool).

I moved to California after graduating college, and I had high hopes of meeting some nice co-workers and making friends. And, after some time (read: dealing with baggage), I also had high hopes of meeting a lovely girl to date, or at the very least to spoon with.

Yes, I’m a spooner. The cat’s out of the bag!

My co-workers turned out to be about twice my age (they were great, but not big on me and my damn MTV). I signed up for a writing class at a local community college – it was canceled because too few people signed up. I signed up for another class at a local community college, the class was made up of middle-aged Middle-Eastern men. Not my target market. I went to some church youth group things and made a few semi-friends, but for the most part I never saw them.

At some point I heard about a free site called okcupid.com … which I have since heard called okstupid. I feel like that joke is obvious, but I like it.

I met a few oddballs, but also a few really awesome people in California using that site. I won’t out their names here – but I know one friend also met her boyfriend from okstupid, and both of them are cool. (Yeah, that’s right guys, I called you cool!)

Also, one person I met I still keep in touch with, though strictly through IM conversations. Our topics range from talking about our best and worst qualities when it comes to a relationship and when we’re feeling down we talk about how awesome we are and why don’t more people get that? The ego is a hungry friend.

Here’s a shocker, folks – the internets are much like real life!

You’ll meet some winners, some losers, and some so-so’s. There’s still a stigma with using the internet to meet/date people, and I’m guilty of subscribing to that and a little self-deprecation when it comes to that – but you know what? There are some attractive, fantastic people who use ‘dating’ sites (I say ‘dating’ because I have made very good friends from them).

When I found out I’d be moving to Houston I learned through the wonders of Facebook that I had a few semi-friends out here. I thought I could meet up with them and meet some people through them. I also hoped to meet people through work – though I didn’t hold my breath on that front. Ironically enough, I’ve made some good friends from work (three guys started right around the same time as me) and I have not met up with the people I already knew around here.

I figured I’d meet people the ‘normal’ ways – whatever that means. Work, happy hour, other (???). By people I of course mean girls. Little Foot (my stuffed animal) is great to cuddle with, but he talks too much. And he’s racist. Therefore, I like girls.

This isn’t really anything other than a rambling confession of my online ‘dating.’ I guess I’ll go so far as to say this is an endorsement of that (supporting online, not rambling). Sign up for a free site, write a stupid little profile, meet some people for lunch (yes, lunch – if you meet them for lunch it’s less date-like and you can be friends, or if there’s something you can try and up the ante).

When it comes to online, the key question is, why not? (Though if you’re a girl the key question may be: why not?, and, do I have my mace?)

De Jour of the Week (4/26/10)

My Degree from Sewanee

I got my degree
From Sewanee
You see
I’m a doctor of divinity

My sermons are bigger than life
Rife
With strife
And with a conclusion that encourages sacrifice

Like sugar on your ear buds
I’m a hot knife and my conversations’ spuds
With my words in tow you go from duds
To studs

My devotional
Is emotional
And quotable
And never dull

Yes, me and my degree
From Sewanee
Practice divinity
Of which I’m a doctor, you see

I know the Bible
And I’m more than liable
To save your soul
If my words you let fill you full

If I’m wrong
And it turns out I strung you along
Pick up your harmonica and sing your song
Because if you’re wrong when it comes to this, wrong is really wrong

What if there is a God
And wouldn’t this be odd
When people say his name in vain, God is quick to applaud
So the people we think flawed, would actually be awed

But me and my degree
From Sewanee
Will still be as divine as can be
Because there’s no malpractice suits for a doctor of divinity

De Jour of the Week (4/21/10)

I SUPPOSE if people read this and they think of conversations they’ve had with their parents that could be understandable. But me? Noooooooo. This was inspired by conversations with my know-it-all stuffed animal, Little Foot (from Land Before Time).

I Called for Your Two Cents, but I Got Ten

I called for your two cents
You’re smart and your advice makes sense
But now we’re twenty minutes in and I can’t help but wince

I laid out my problem nice and clear
Even telling the parts that make it clear I’m no dear
And you listened without judgment, allaying my worry and fear

You asked some questions for clarification
And you “hmmm’d” and “umm’d” in consternation
But we got the problem stated clearly, much to my gratification

You voiced a bit of life’s-hard-lessons reason
And threw in some light-hearted stuff to keep it fun
Not to be rude – but let’s get to it, please, say your advice and be done

Oh. Now you’re stating the obvious
And re-stating the facts is good, but in all fairness,
I’m afraid I’ll soon be tactless, vicious and ruthless

Why did I call you to get your advice?
I already had a plan, and my plan will suffice
You’re going to go from ‘sure I’ll help’ to ‘now, that wasn’t nice’

‘I know … yeah … yeah … I know … I know’
How tightly clenched can my jaw go?
Count to ten, self, find your inner calm and just … breathe … slow …

Finally, your thoughts are laid out there
Said with lots of thought and care
While my look burns a hole at whatever I fix my stare

I’m sorry, yes, thank you, you’re right
But remember – personal problems are heavy, another person’s are light
And I may appreciate your words when the problem’s end is in sight

I called for your two cents, but I got ten
Now I’ve got my original problem, plus a side of aggravation
But you know what – I’ll still be calling you again

On a personal note: Thanks mom (for reading the haikus and the compliment) and cousin G Pat (for being awesome)!