The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Bible’

Fish

From the Bible, Matthew 15:35-15:36, “He [Jesus] told the crowd [4000 people] to sit down on the ground. Then he took the seven loaves and the fish, and when he had given thanks, he broke them and gave them to the disciples, and they in turn to the people. They all ate, and were satisfied.”

Original Fish: Wow! What is happening here?

Second Fish: Hey buddy! Aren’t you a handsome fella! (Laughs.)

Original: STOP THIS! STOP THIS MADNESS!

14th Fish: You know, normally I don’t like big crowds – but this group I feel like I can get along with. (Laughs.)

Original: Why? Why is someone cloning so many of me!

30th Fish: Is it a little hot in here or is it just all of you! (Laughs.)

Original: You know – you’d think someone would have a little respect for nature, and how God made us – but this guy here is just recreating me willy-nilly.

42nd Fish: Hey let’s sing row-row-row your boat! Staggered start-times and everything! Ready? Row-row-row your boat …

Original: Why would someone even clone so many of many?! What is the purpose?!

100th Fish: Oh how embarrassing – we’re all wearing the same thing! (Laughs.)

Random Human: Let’s eat!

Original: Oh.

Now you know why fish have that googly-eyed shock look all the time. Buh-dum-dum!

De Jour of the Week (4/26/10)

My Degree from Sewanee

I got my degree
From Sewanee
You see
I’m a doctor of divinity

My sermons are bigger than life
Rife
With strife
And with a conclusion that encourages sacrifice

Like sugar on your ear buds
I’m a hot knife and my conversations’ spuds
With my words in tow you go from duds
To studs

My devotional
Is emotional
And quotable
And never dull

Yes, me and my degree
From Sewanee
Practice divinity
Of which I’m a doctor, you see

I know the Bible
And I’m more than liable
To save your soul
If my words you let fill you full

If I’m wrong
And it turns out I strung you along
Pick up your harmonica and sing your song
Because if you’re wrong when it comes to this, wrong is really wrong

What if there is a God
And wouldn’t this be odd
When people say his name in vain, God is quick to applaud
So the people we think flawed, would actually be awed

But me and my degree
From Sewanee
Will still be as divine as can be
Because there’s no malpractice suits for a doctor of divinity

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