The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

My Zombie Roomy (10/8/12)

The food list. The much anticipated (artistic liberties are my favorite) list. Well, “list.” The list is really more a set of rules.

I think they are good rules, and I’m definitely open to improvements. (Although to be honest the Zombie has been following these rules for about 2 weeks already and when it comes to eating people it’s hard to call take-backs …)

Please feel free to pass on your thoughts for more Zombino rules! Without further ado …

  1. I can’t name someone specific. (Like, say, when that guy flipped me off AND slowed down to curse at me when I was jogging and dude, come on, I had the little white ‘walk now’ guy. Jerk.)
  2. It can’t be a red head. (This one isn’t for me, it’s just that the Zombie has some weird affinity for red heads. I have tried to figure out if he was one himself … but I haven’t had any luck on that campaign. Besides, red heads have it tough enough as is. And I’m part of the problem.
  3. If Oprah, Ellen, and Clifford sat down with this person even they would think evil thoughts. CLIFFORD, guys, come on. That’s a good test.
  4. It has to be someone with a fighting chance. This is for the person’s sake and the Zombie’s (in romance you always want to have a little chase … and like I said before, this is the Zombie’s romance). Also, come on, it’s just not fair to pick on someone who doesn’t have a shot. Also, if some sort of zombie apocalypse happens wouldn’t the first time you see a zombie kill someone set you into action much faster if the zombie attack was like a fight scene from a movie? This is for your sake, too.
  5. Not me!! (Selfish, but a good real.)

That’s it for the rules. Hopefully I don’t have any glaring gaps.

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Comments on: "My Zombie Roomy (10/8/12)" (1)

  1. Shouldn’t there be a 3 strike rule or something? Everyone can have a bad day where they come off as a douche, or prick, or jackass. Also I suggest no one with an addiction. Who knows what a little speed in the zombie’s system would do. Finally I suggest no fat people. He may be dead, but that’s no reason for the zombie not to think heart smart.

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