The food list. The much anticipated (artistic liberties are my favorite) list. Well, “list.” The list is really more a set of rules.
I think they are good rules, and I’m definitely open to improvements. (Although to be honest the Zombie has been following these rules for about 2 weeks already and when it comes to eating people it’s hard to call take-backs …)
Please feel free to pass on your thoughts for more Zombino rules! Without further ado …
- I can’t name someone specific. (Like, say, when that guy flipped me off AND slowed down to curse at me when I was jogging and dude, come on, I had the little white ‘walk now’ guy. Jerk.)
- It can’t be a red head. (This one isn’t for me, it’s just that the Zombie has some weird affinity for red heads. I have tried to figure out if he was one himself … but I haven’t had any luck on that campaign. Besides, red heads have it tough enough as is. And I’m part of the problem.
- If Oprah, Ellen, and Clifford sat down with this person even they would think evil thoughts. CLIFFORD, guys, come on. That’s a good test.
- It has to be someone with a fighting chance. This is for the person’s sake and the Zombie’s (in romance you always want to have a little chase … and like I said before, this is the Zombie’s romance). Also, come on, it’s just not fair to pick on someone who doesn’t have a shot. Also, if some sort of zombie apocalypse happens wouldn’t the first time you see a zombie kill someone set you into action much faster if the zombie attack was like a fight scene from a movie? This is for your sake, too.
- Not me!! (Selfish, but a good real.)
That’s it for the rules. Hopefully I don’t have any glaring gaps.