The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

The top five worst things that can happen when you’re in the bathroom, etiquette-wise. I won’t get in to all the crazy potential catastrophes. I’ll also leave out the lack of hand washing (because I’ve already covered that).

My buddy Juicebox and I were talking about our least favorite occurrences at the work bathroom as a consequence of working with some people who are, frankly, weird.

1 – Walking up to the bathroom the same time as someone who is a chatter. Then you have to pretend to get a call, or go stare at the vending machine that is just past the bathroom, pretending you are considering getting something (I have done this many times).

2 – Being at a urinal next to a guy who does the “ahhhhh” like he’s advertising for Coca Cola and he just took the world’s tastiest sip. Gross, dude. You’re peeing, get over it.

3 – Being anywhere at all in the bathroom when a guy in a stall (or anywhere, but particularly if he’s in a stall) answers the phone. Then I feel like a weirdo because all I want to do is make gross noises  as loud as possible. I guess the person on the other line is aware that the call receiver is in the bathroom … but if not, I just got that dude in trouble, and I’m proud of that.

4 – This one is maybe not as common an annoyance, but it sure drives me nuts. People taking excessive paper towels. Wash your hands, shake them off a bunch, and then you only need one paper towel. Come on! When I see a tiny dude taking a bunch, I want to say, “come on guy, let’s be real, you’ve got tiny hands.”

5 – Hearing someone turning document pages (you can hear the difference between a newspaper, magazine, and printed out papers). Who are you? Where are you taking these papers? Please tell me you’re going to throw them away!

Comments on: "Top Annoying Habits in a Workplace Bathroom" (8)

  1. Clever post topic. You pull it off without being distasteful, which would have been an easy path to tread. 😉

  2. Your men’s rooms sound entertaining. At my old job, I would waltz into a stall, only to discover a watermelon-sized ball of toilet paper in the bowl, as though some catnip-high kitty had gone crazy unrolling the cheap half-ply sheets. It drove me nuts bc I could NEVER figure out who did that. Was it some passive aggressive lady who came in early and just raged against the paper machine? Who does that?

    • Haha well … it would certainly be interesting to hear the logic behind that person’s action … Because I feel like even the craziest habits have some (flawed or not) rationale behind them.

  3. And what about that creepy guy who comes up behind you and starts giving you a massage? What’s that you say? That only happens to me in public washrooms? Who is that guy!?!

  4. I hate guys who decide to hangout and talk for fifteen minutes after they’ve used the facilities. It’s a men’s room — do your business and get out.

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