Animal Facts! (DumbFunnery, Pig-Nosed Turtle, Zebra, Ostrich)
Everything you didn’t know about your favorite animals!
DumbFunnery (the animal. not the person)
Thinks he’s being cute, but doesn’t realize he just drooled a little.
So over it.
Emotionally unstable, physically unstabler.
Has told “jokes” that people respond to not by laughing, but by saying, “aww.” (And there, he did it again.)
Can not wait for when it’s finally “acceptable” for American men to wear Capri pants.
Pig-Nosed Turtle
Giggles at the word ‘titillating.’
Is so out of touch. Once heard them say, “my son tex’s all the time – he’s always on his phone texing.”
Just cracked the same joke.
Don’t get me started about getting me started.
Ohhhhhhhhh NO he didn’t!
Zebra
Total dead fish in the sack.
Didn’t get the promotion.
Spends way more than they should on shoes.
They’re not sure if there’s any difference between themselves and deer. But they know with confidence they are not bears.
There really, truly, sincerely, ain’t no mountain high enough. And I mean that.
Ostrich
About two seconds away from a racist joke.
Has a ‘slippery when wet’ tattoo – I won’t tell you where.
They hate being shot, but love being mounted on walls. It’s a real cause for concern in their community.
Extremely beautiful – on the inside.
Laughs along with inside jokes they aren’t actually a part of.
Claim to be the first to wear baseball hats backwards.
You won’t believe their stories – but, honest, they’re true.
DumbFunnery 