Last week I attended Dragon Con which was, let me tell you, pretty disappointing. Talk about an all-time misnomer.
Me: Hi, I’m Steve. Why are you dressed as … what are you dressed as anyway?
Girl: I’m sexy Boba Fett.
Me: That’s … weird. Why … Well, whatever. I guess one thing I don’t like about dragons is that if a dragon came to your home and went to the bathroom you could literally drown in urine. Isn’t that awful?
Girl: Um … I’m going to a panel. Bye.
That was just one of the many failed attempts at conversations I had while I was there. Here I was, finally assembled with my peers. People who see dragons as the awful creatures they are, and yet no one would have a serious talk with me about dragon cons.
(Overhearing a group talking about fighting dragons in Skyrim)
Me: Hey! I couldn’t help but notice you guys were talking about dragons and I just wanted to say –
Person in group: I wish I could be a dragon!
Another person: Oh yeah! Imagine flying around, setting fire to stuff with my BREATH!
Apparently clever person in group: You already DO set fire to stuff with your breath. Here, have a mint.
At this point I was excited because it seemed like they were a funny, enjoyable group. Obviously they were being sarcastic because everyone knows you can’t set fire to things for fun, it would hurt the environment in an unnatural way and endanger people’s lives (as I have written about in my list, ‘Top 100 Worst Things About Dragons’). But then, they all started to chime in. I couldn’t help but feel betrayed.
Person in group: Hey … are you ok?
Me: I just … I expected this to be different.
Another person in group: What do you mean? This is awesome! We’re here with a bunch of other people who share our passions, so many people in amazing costumes … This is an awesome convention!
Me: A … convention?
Person in group: Yes …?
Me: Oh. I see.
It turns out I should have done my research. Dragon Con is not dedicated to people who want to talk about why dragons are bad. I almost Googled Dragon Pro to see how big their convention is compared to Dragon Con but I didn’t want to have that awful phrase in my search history … I guess if I had done that I may have avoided this mistake.
After realizing my mistake I ended up having a great time and meeting wonderful people.
Of course, I wasn’t the only one who had tough moments there … Again, my apologies Doug. You really are a wonderful human being.
Me: What are you, a transgendered April O’Neil from the Ninja Turtles?
Doug: No, I’m Doug.