The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘lion’

Attn: Ellen (2/19/14)



Back (apologies for my handwriting!)


The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Here you go! You get part one of my ultra post modern art! (If I don’t deserve a gallery showing, who does!?)

(Awesome picture – you should really look at the postcard …)


If you think this makes no sense, try reading last week’s. It might help (might).

Why am I doing this?

Attn:Ellen (6/19/13)


Ellen DeGeneres Lion

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres Postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Why are lions so religious?

Because they prey as a family!

That’s the joke I’d tell to cause this lion to make that face. Then he’d probably maul me. (Leading to joke 2, “what are you, lion, my teenage kid? I’m sick of being mauled!”)

Ever so sincerely,


Why am I doing this?

Animal Facts! (Fox of the Courtney Variety, Penguin, Lion, Jelly Fish)

Everything you didn’t know about your favorite animals!

Fox, C

Goes by Courtney, Sweet Lips, Sugar Tits, or Chumbawumba.

Beat Texas in a staring contest.

Physically, doing ok. Emotionally, doing SEXY.

Didn’t get the joke you just made, so she turned it into a joke about bad gas in her head.

Is straight outta Compton.


Definite flirt. Acts as though they are unaware, but they totally are.

On the plus side they make the best snickerdoodle you’ll ever eat.

Love math jokes.

They tell great stories – but they’re always stories about ‘a guy I know.’

They like to shout “don’t pre-judge” then moon each other.


Hate, hate, hate the border patrol.

The most racially hyper-sensitive animal you’ll ever meet.

Hopes to be in corporate by next quarter.

Aren’t sure if you’re kidding when you’re being sarcastic.

Taller than you’d think.

Jelly Fish

Not nearly as funny as he thinks.

Says ‘shoot you an email’ sincerely.

No sense of tradition.

Into kinky stuff.

Smokes that tra-la-la.

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