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Tomorrow Brad

Lately I have been trying to be a better friend to myself, aka Tomorrow Brad. You see, my absolute favorite person is Right Now Brad (RNB), and sometimes I have acted just for RNB.

“I feel like if I slow down for a second I will realize I’m already stuffed … Better eat faster!!”
-RNB

RNB can be a real jerk to Tomorrow Brad, as you can see from the above quote. And don’t even get me started on RNB’s sleeping habits.

“Oh man it’s midnight? Well I’m already gonna be tired tomorrow so I may as well watch one more episode …”
– Classic RNB

Here’s my revolutionary idea: acting on behalf of Tomorrow Brad more and more. I feel like this is the part about being an adult that no one warned me about.

When I was younger Tomorrow Brad and Right Now Brad saw eye to eye on a lot of things. Right Now Brad might say, “I should get Taco Bell!” and so I would. Then Tomorrow Brad would say, “Later we should eat half a pumpkin pie! While you’re out for Taco Bell pick up some more whipped cream!” The two would high five and all was merry.

Now Tomorrow Brad acts almost immediately in reaction to Right Now Brad. “Oh man,” Tomorrow Brad says 10 minutes after finishing Taco Bell, “that was such a bad idea …”

Maybe getting older isn’t about maturing or becoming more intelligent, but instead feeling the repercussions of bad ideas with force and surprising speed. Running miles on end, then eating fast food for dinner and staying up late to play video games was a dream Saturday only a few years ago … Today, it is a recipe for sadness.

Let’s hear it for our future selves, the most demanding friend you have.

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A Concerned Parent

When Balthasar was eleven, his adored pet cat, Mitsou, ran away. He made forty ink drawings detailing his memories of the animal and his fruitless search for her. In the last, he stands alone, crying.

–The New Yorker (Google search of ‘Balthus Mitsou’)

 

Honey,

I want to go ahead and write down some thoughts I have about our son. If, at the end of this, I decide I have said some things that are worth your time to read – this paper will still be sitting on my desk.

I am worried about our dear Balthasar. He made it clear that he wanted a cat, and when I suggested a fish because it would be easier to keep he strongly objected. I maintained that a fish would be a good introduction to owning a pet, because, as I recall myself saying, “if they die it’s no big deal, and they can’t run away.” I am not saying this to point out that I was right, but just as a way for you to recognize that this letter has some credibility. As we discussed, I didn’t say some phrase like, “I was right.” I am just trying to establish my legitimacy as a source of sound thinking.

The point of this is not about me, but about our son. He really needs a hobby. Have you been in his room this week? It’s getting weird. He was at thirty-two drawings of, as he described it, “the world’s most desperate situation outside a Russian winter.” It’s poetic, which I like, but it’s also a tad melodramatic. How could we have such a child? I am an art historian and you are a painter … Our child, at a vibrant eleven years, should be the very picture of level-headed, honest, and plain-speaking grace.

Am I perhaps pushing him too hard? Could I be at fault in this? Maybe I should cut down on symbolic dinners. Two nights ago he told me he would not like any water with his dinner, but instead red wine, because he felt that the muddied colors represented his tortured soul. “Papa, water would represent an epiphany … But I am without the clarity necessary for such an event. I fear that life is confusing, and only by freezing it do I feel the delights of an epiphany. But, by freezing it I am only lying to myself, I am creating a false sense of enlightenment.” Of course, by saying this, he had actually ended up justifying the case for him having water with dinner. Because of the layers of confusion this was causing – clarity only in stating that he felt he had no clarity – I was forced to boil a shoe in red wine and feed that to him for dinner. Is this bad parenting?

No, I stand by that action. Self-doubt in an artist can be beautiful, representative of what people feel … Self-doubt in a parent is damaging. I must continue to stride forward with the same gusto as always.

And for you, my sentiments are the same. Our son, despite our best intentions, has taken on this flair for the sensational from who knows where.

One request though, would you ask your poet lover to mentor our son in poetry? I really do think he has a knack for it.

Yours,
Erich

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Tough Mudder Recap

Tough Mudder Electroshock Therapy

The last obstacle, Electroshock Therapy, features you getting shocked while you try not to fall while running through a muddy area. Here’s a …shock (har har): this was painful. (I’m the guy on the far right.)

On Saturday some friends and I successfully navigated the muddy waters of the Tough Mudder. It was pretty enjoyable, in that deliberately signing yourself up for a painful event sort of way.

We had signed up for a start time of 11 am, thinking that it would be nice to sleep in, eat a bit, and then get started. Ease into the day nicely. Our actual start time was 1 pm, which was definitely later than we had hoped to start. The sun was in full force.

  • Tip Number 1: Sign up for a time earlier than you want. If you end up getting that time, deal with it, the obstacles might be less muddy (therefore easier to get a grip on) and there might be less wait for some of the obstacles at the end. (For one we waited about ten minutes.)

We had decided to go for a Ninja Turtles theme. Matching green shirts, and then each of us had shorts, headband, and wristbands for our respective characters. In addition we each had on long-ish green socks and black lifting gloves (to help with monkey bars and prevent the risk of splinters). I enjoyed our costumes, but we weren’t the only Turtles out there. If you want to be truly unique, get weird.

  • Tip Number 2: Pictures … I really wanted to end up with some of the event’s photographers capturing me looking like a real tough guy as I went across the monkey bars (successfully!), or ran through the electroshock therapy, or ran up the Everest challenge. Instead there are two of my friends and I right before the race, and two of me on the obstacle known as “Twinkle Toes.”

    Tough Mudder Twinkle Toes

    Twinkle Toe-ing it up!

  • After the race the event photographers posted all of their photos which you can download for free (you just have to like a Facebook page or two). This is the only race I’ve done that has supplied free pictures so that is pretty great. A lot of the pictures end up not tagged because they can’t see your bib number under all that mud. I went through A LOT of photos to try and find a cool one of me (I am vain) and here are my conclusions …
  • What could I have done differently?
    • Make outrageously painful or elated faces at obstacles
    • Dress in garishly colored (easy to spot when looking through pictures) or very unique costumes
    • Be a girl (Honestly, I feel like the amount of pictures per girl at the run is very misleading)

As far as the run itself goes, it is very easy to walk. There will be lots of opportunities that present themselves to you as for why you should walk: right after an obstacle you are very tired and often there is so much mud that jogging will be just as fast as walking, it’s a long run, the obstacles are tiring, there is mud everywhere, so many other people will be walking, you will want to walk, your friends will want to walk …

  • Tip Number 3: Put off walking (I’m not saying I followed this tip, but in retrospect I wish I had). At any point in the race, in the next half mile there will probably be an obstacle. At that time you can walk up to the obstacle and go through it. Consider that your rest. To go into high school coach mode: the run is only as tough as you make it.
Tough Mudder Starting Gate

Starting Gate (the guy in the middle is the pep talker)

Before you begin the race you get shuffled into a little starting gate area. A very good public speaker, trained in the art of Under Armour commercial style pep talks, will tell you about the race. CAN I GET A HOO-AH! It will take TOUGHNESS. (HOO-AH!) It will take STRENGTH! (HOO-AH!)

This guy (or girl) will tell you about how this is not a race, this is not a competition, this is a challenge. As part of the challenge you will have to support your fellow Tough Mudders. Teamwork makes the dream work and all that.

  • Tip Number 4: Just Give Me a Second, Geeeeez … Inevitably (probably) you will get to an obstacle where you won’t ace it on the first maneuver. If you’re like me, you’ll probably want to try again because if-only-I’d-just-…-OK-I-got-this … It’s nice that everyone wants to help (and I was guilty of this), but sometimes things just take a few tries. So, fellow future Tough Mudders, if you see someone struggling, and there are already ten people en route to help the struggler, just move along. You don’t need to be the eleventh helper monkey.

My friends and I brought along two disposable, waterproof cameras. We have done this for other mud runs and it has worked well. For this one, it turns out, mud can really cloud some photos. Nevertheless, we got some good photos out of it (albeit some of them were a bit blurry).

  • Tip Number 5: Have fun! Bringing a camera and taking pictures of you and your friends putting yourselves through an unnecessarily difficult Saturday or Sunday morning or afternoon is a way of taking ownership of the event? Aw heck, we all know it’s for Facebook.
Tough Mudder Sasquatch

Sasquatch sighting!

 

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