The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for the ‘Du Jour of the Week’ Category

When News Breaks …

At DumbFunnery, we take journalistic integrity as the value of highest importance. So when news breaks – we’ll be there with duct tape!

(No. No, that’s not what that phrase means.)

Ah! DumbFunnery, a bastion of ethics and go-get-em-ics, is ready to hide a lock pick and a shiv in a home-baked cake to help BREAK OUT that news!

(What on Earth? That’s worse. Definitely not that. Just give me a sec and I’ll explain …)

DumbFunnery, armed with a pen, a love of the truth, and a cardboard box, is around for breaking news. Lay down a beat, do the cabbage patch, and let’s breakdance the news.

(…I don’t understand. How are you so unaware of what breaking news means?)

DumbFunnery never takes their foot off the gas, charging hard and fast until – SCREEEEEEEEE – it’s time to brake … for news?

(That’s somehow the most wrong, and the closest?)

DumbFunnery, grabbing the blanket of journalism and a cup of hot tea of hard-hitting questions, is here to help you get back to feeling ready to take on the world. Because sure, news broke up with you, but hang in there tiger, it’s just a bit of breaking news.

(Fine. Let’s go with that.)

When news breaks (up) … DumbFunnery is here to watch Love Actually, maybe call your ex and make funny noises until your ex hangs up, and perhaps even … win a Pulitzer?

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The Kiddo’s Music-Themed Animals

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Mountain Goatye

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Alambis Morissette

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Owl Green

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Harry Elafonte

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Moose Springsteen

 

Thankfully there are also a lot of Barry singers, because we have quite a few bears. Chuck Beary, Beary Manilow … other ones that of course I’m drawing a blank on right now.

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The 1 Billionth Person to Discover Fire

‘Discoverer’: OH. MY. GOD! THIS IS AMAZING! Guys … GUYS!

Person 1: Hey, what’s up?

Person 2: Ohhhhhh. I see. He discovered fire.

‘Discoverer’: Can you believe this?! This is amazing!!!

Person 1: Aw. Yes, it is amazing, kid.

Person 2: Yep.

‘Discoverer’: Ok. Fine. Sure. Whatever. You guys have also discovered fire but like … COME ON! Look at this PARTICULAR fire. It is …

Person 1: No, no, sweetheart.

Person 2: Love your fire. It’s what you should do. But your fire is not objectively more special than anyone else’s fire is to them.

‘Discoverer’: (Uh … yeah huh.)

Person 2: Child. I have discovered fire FOUR times. You think I don’t know when someone is talking under their breath at me?

‘Discoverer’: (Kicks sand sheepishly) It’s just …

Person 1: I get it. Your fire is incredible. As it should be.

‘Discoverer’: Yeah, I mean I can’t prove it but I feel like there is an intensity to my fire that –

Person 2: Child.

‘Discoverer’: Ok ok, fine. Whatever. Every fire is great. But you know what, I still think mine is a more magical fire than the fires you discovered.

Person 1: As you should.

Person 2: And it’s such a cute fire.

‘Discoverer’: (Yeah, way cuter than your fires …)

Person 1 and 2, in unison: Child.

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