The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘news’

When News Breaks …

At DumbFunnery, we take journalistic integrity as the value of highest importance. So when news breaks – we’ll be there with duct tape!

(No. No, that’s not what that phrase means.)

Ah! DumbFunnery, a bastion of ethics and go-get-em-ics, is ready to hide a lock pick and a shiv in a home-baked cake to help BREAK OUT that news!

(What on Earth? That’s worse. Definitely not that. Just give me a sec and I’ll explain …)

DumbFunnery, armed with a pen, a love of the truth, and a cardboard box, is around for breaking news. Lay down a beat, do the cabbage patch, and let’s breakdance the news.

(…I don’t understand. How are you so unaware of what breaking news means?)

DumbFunnery never takes their foot off the gas, charging hard and fast until – SCREEEEEEEEE – it’s time to brake … for news?

(That’s somehow the most wrong, and the closest?)

DumbFunnery, grabbing the blanket of journalism and a cup of hot tea of hard-hitting questions, is here to help you get back to feeling ready to take on the world. Because sure, news broke up with you, but hang in there tiger, it’s just a bit of breaking news.

(Fine. Let’s go with that.)

When news breaks (up) … DumbFunnery is here to watch Love Actually, maybe call your ex and make funny noises until your ex hangs up, and perhaps even … win a Pulitzer?

24/7 Beyoncé

I don’t normally post actual news on my site but sometimes a true story is just too good to pass up.

This story is actually sad for a number of people, but overall I find it funny. Hopefully the people who were laid off have found or will find new jobs and they can have a good old fashioned bitter laugh about the whole thing.

In Houston the radio station 92.1 became News 92.1 FM. The station started in November 2011, a 24/7 news station (according to this article). I liked to listen to them occasionally, but generally I go for music (on long drives) or sports talk radio (what can I say, I’m an ignorant schlub).

This month, the radio station sited bad ratings and laid off all of the employees. Taking its place … a 24/7 Beyoncé station. (My goodness, my computer recognized that Beyoncé was not a word and had the red underline … so I clicked on it and it knew Beyoncé should have the accent. But it doesn’t know the word schlub. What is this?)

I had to tune in and … yep … It was a Beyoncé song.

Several days later I was in my friend’s car and I told them about the 24/7 Beyoncé station. They turned it over and … we didn’t recognize the song. The next song comes on and its definitely not Beyoncé. What what what!

Apparently Beyoncé has a grand total of about 8 hours of music recorded (according to this article). That meant Beyoncé’s music career 3 times a day, every day, all day, always and forever … For a couple days. Now the station is “classic hip-hop” … Which is that thing where Beethoven rapped for 8 hours one time.

 

This is Beyoncé’s ‘You did what with that radio station?’ pose.

 

Questions About the News From Someone Who Pays 5% Attention

So, like, Obama cares … But what does he care about? I don’t get it. And why are people angry about him caring? Does he care about stupid stuff or something? And, uh, hello news people, it’s Obama careS … not Obama care. Grammar much?

Um, ok, I’m really confused. A rod plays baseball? Do they mean the bat? Why don’t they say bat? And what does it mean to say a rod is on performance enhancing drugs? Like the bat has super powers? Is it made out of some super tough wood or something? Seriously, I don’t get it.

Ben Affleck is the new Batman? That’s cool. I’ll totally see that.

Aussies and North Korea

North Korea leader photographed on roller coaster, Aussie news anchors talked about it and among the gems …

Female news anchor – Maybe the North Koreans would be happier if they could ride roller coasters.
Male anchor – I don’t know I think they’d be happier if they could eat. Or have electricity.

Boom! One point for Aussie news telling it like it is.

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