The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘stuffed animals’

The Kiddo’s Music-Themed Animals


Mountain Goatye


Alambis Morissette


Owl Green


Harry Elafonte


Moose Springsteen


Thankfully there are also a lot of Barry singers, because we have quite a few bears. Chuck Beary, Beary Manilow … other ones that of course I’m drawing a blank on right now.

The Lonely Adventurers

Little boys see danger
Where there is only a tree
Little boys see adventure
While escaping responsibility

Little boys grow up and make for great adventurers
But, have you ever stopped to wonder,
When they’re out shaking hands with death
If, when their body comes back, their heart’s all asunder

From Portugal to India, you opened the world, but,
Did you call out for your mama?
When on your death-bed with malaria,
Oh, explorer-great, Vasco de Gama?

You can circumnavigate with the best, Ferdinand Magellan
You sail with seemingly no hint of fear
But you couldn’t circumnavigate your need for a hug
As you died, pierced, by a bamboo spear

Here, fishy, fishy!, heeeere, fishy, fishy, fishy!
Where did you go, Jacques Cousteau?
And where are you now, exploring still?
Or are you cuddled up with a throw pillow?

Aging is terrible, said the fountain of youth, laughing
A quest to find it was the aim of Juan Ponce de Leon
He failed, dying of an arrow wound, and reconnecting with his youth:
The fetal position is great for when you’re poisoned and alone

Adventurers embrace risks and danger
They will go down in history’s annals
Often so close to their goals …
They only lacked stuffed animals

So … I really like this idea, but I don’t like this poem much. I’m throwing it out there with the best of intentions to re-write it at a future date. Really, being an explorer would be craaaaazy scary. And these guys (except Cousteau, the only modern one in this bunch) kept dying in foreign lands! (Not for no reason, they were often taking “unclaimed’ lands and killing or converting as they saw fit.)

Anywho, it’s “funny” (maybe interesting is a better word) to think of explorers dying, sad and lonely, in far-away places after living an incredibly tough-guy, amazing life.

Also I don’t like the concluding verse … But I chose to watch the basketball game rather than think about it. GO LOUISVILLE!

My Zombie Roomy (2/22/11)

Ruh roh.

Last night I was on facebook, and the Zombie was chilling on the couch next to me. I saw that a friend of mine had checked in somewhere using the application FourSquare, so I said, “oh Miss Amy’s at [bar name], that’s cool.”

The Zombie looked up from the stuffed animal he was chewing on (I started buying him chew toys because the door handle to my bathroom was getting disgusting – he’d just gnaw on it randomly), and he said “brains?”

I had a minor dilemma – I of course didn’t want my friend Amy to be in any danger of being eaten by the Zombie, but I was curious if he actually knew where this bar was. I let him look at the screen, and he looked up at me, seemed to smirk, and said “brains” very confidently. Then he stood up and headed for the door.

I sat on my couch shocked. ‘Oh my God!’ I thought to myself, ‘I think I just killed Amy!’

But right when the Zombie opened the door he started coughing, and coughed up a bunch of stuffing that was in the stuffed animal. I yell at him not to eat the stuffing but he does it anyway. It really upsets me.

Oh yeah and I haven’t seen an update in Amy for a while. That’s also troublesome.

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