The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for the ‘Weekly Wacko’ Category

Celebrity Comparison

Recently I went on a date. It went ok. (Except for the incredibly awkward ending where her ex came in with the girl he left her for – and they’d apparently gone on a date at that SAME PLACE just ONE month ago – and she ended up saying an awkward hello to him … yep.)

Something (else) funny happened on the date, though.

I went to the restroom (I have the bladder of a pregnant woman) and came back to the table. When I sat down she greeted me with a question along these lines,

“Have you ever been compared to a celebrity?”

Oh no. My brain immediately goes to oh no when someone brings this up.

“Um … why do you ask?” I say, probably showing amusement and concern on my opposite-of-poker-face.
“Who have you been compared to?”
“I don’t want to say … it might sway it …”
“Michael Cera.”

Yep. Michael Cera. Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s awesome. I’m a huge fan of Arrested Development and Scott Pilgrim. He is one funny dude. But, I think a lot of the humor from him comes from the fact that he’s so awkward. Also, although it’s weird to say this about another fella, I think he’s charming because he’s so disarming. So, I usually take this as a mixed bag compliment. But, really, I have gotten the comparison a number of times. And on dates, too.

There I am, trying to be funny and charming and cool, and they say, “ok, Cera.”

BUT! This time I got some good advice from The Storyteller:

“Start coming up with an immediate funny comparison comeback that leaves her thinking hey he really is a witty, funny guy and humble too.”

That is much better than my usual response of shrugging and saying, “yeah … ok.”

So if there’s a girl out there who likes the awkward charm of a three-legged puppy – give me a call some time.

Fantastic Work Conversation

My boss: “Hey!, good job at the demo!”
Me: “Thanks! … Yeah, I think it went well.”
My boss: “I’d say! You got a high-five!”

Whoo! Sorry for the bragging post, but I found that very funny. Every work has their concept of good and bad, and ours is apparently measured in high-fives.

The same day that happened, a co-worker used the phrase “making kittens” as a synonym for “causing trouble.”

It was a very good day of work.

 

Starting the Day off Creepy

It was a day like any other. I woke up, hit snooze a few times, and then reluctantly got out of bed. The earlier I start work, the earlier I’m back with my best friend – my couch. But something felt different today, something I just couldn’t identify.

Nevertheless, I got up. I began my morning routing – a bowl of cereal while I watch the local NBC news. For local news, bad jokes, and attractive anchors – go to Local 2 News! Jennifer Reyna, the traffic girl who could make traffic stop with her good looks, was talking about an accident or really clear lanes or whatever it was, she’s too pretty for me to notice.

I thought, “maybe I should tweet that I like kicking off my mornings with Miss (hopefully Miss) Reyna.” But then I realized that would be boring. I thought of a bad joke, “Folgers? Who needs that when you’ve got Reyna.” But no, that was a really bad joke. I wouldn’t do that. But the idea had entered my head … Twitter … Jennifer Reyna … Me …

I had to know! I signed on my computer and searched for her name – what’s this! There IS a Jennifer Reyna on Twitter! I look at the brief description that every Twitter user can create, and this didn’t seem like the standard PR-created byline for a semi-celebrity user of Twitter. The byline said,

“Dedicated to the traffic hottie Jennifer Reyna on Houston’s KPRC Local 2.”

Could it be … Could it be that there are other creepy guys out there who like Jennifer Reyna?! And could it be that one of them is so creepy he has created a Twitter account where he, every day, posts a picture of Jennifer (dear, sweet Jennifer), describes her outfit, and RATES it!?

http://twitter.com/ratereyna

Yes, I would say there are other creepy guys out there …

“Did I mention that Jen’s secret power is the ability to make brown look good? It’s freaky! Rating: 9.5”