The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘date’

A Swell Dinner, and Nuclear Powered Ramjets

Project Pluto was a United States government program to develop nuclear powered ramjet engines for use in cruise missiles. Two experimental engines were tested at the United States Department of Energy Nevada Test Site (NTS) in 1961 and 1964.

– Source.

On May 14, 1961, the first prototype nuclear ramjet, “Tory-IIA,” was test fired. In case things went awry, the Livermore scientists and engineers working on Project Pluto watched the test from miles away with ready access to a fallout shelter stocked with two weeks’ worth of food and water. – Source.

(A young couple is finishing dinner.)

Fella: Boy, that was tasty!

Gal: Sure was! And it’s hard to beat the company, too!

Fella: Aw shucks! You said it, but I was thinking it!

Gal: I sure hope you’re thinking of another night out, too!

Fella: (His happy look fades, a look of fear takes over) Of course!

Gal: …What’s wrong?

Fella: No, nothing. Nothing. It’s just … work is going to be … pretty intense.

Gal: (Raises eyebrows.)

Fella: Really! I would love to take you out for dinner tomorrow night, or the night after, or the night after that, it’s just I *might* have to work nights the next two weeks. And days. And you should leave town just in case.

Gal: …Are you not really single?

Fella: Of course I’m single! I just … listen, you know how I’m an engineer and –

Gal: You’ve never fully explained what you do.

Fella: (Mumbles) Yeah, the government would love me explaining what I do.

Gal: What was that?

Fella: What? Oh, you know, I do math for the government. Checking numbers. That’s all. It’s boring. Speaking of boring … this town, huh? You should take a vacation! It doesn’t need to be two weeks, even. Just leave before this weekend, and uh … watch the news.

Gal: I don’t like this date nearly so much anymore.

Fella: (Breathes deeply) I care about you. Like, a lot. And sometimes I feel like my heart is a nuclear reactor attached to a missile and I could just explode due to a small mathematical error that, really, anyone could make, and I am afraid you’ll get caught up in it … Maybe if you leave town for a day, or so, you could see if you would be able to handle my intense emotions.

Gal: Aw. That’s weird. Are you saying you’re just Russian into this? (She laughs.)

Fella: (To the reader) That joke is an anachronism. The missile was being developed largely because of the USSR, not Russia. But that is really hard to use USSR to make a dumb play on words joke. Maybe if this was instead about a former pirate captain who joined the Navy, something about USS Argggh. I don’t know. See? It’s tough.

Gal: Come on, let’s go to get some ice cream!

Fella: Ok! And we can check out what kind of refrigeration units they have in case you ever want to hide in one!

Soda fountain and booths, Earnshaw Drug Co., East Greenwich, R.I (78831).jpg
By “Tichnor Quality Views”, Reg,U.S.Pat.Off., Made Only by Tichnor Bros., Inc., Boston, Mass. – Boston Public Library Tichnor Brothers collection #78831, Public Domain, Link


Is She the One?

I saw her across the room and before I knew it I was walking toward her. I didn’t know what to say so I decided to start with a lie.

“Hi, your sandwich might be poisoned.”

She politely informed me she had no sandwich nearby. I politely informed her, looking down and to the right, that I may be too late. Then I looked at her and said in a self-fulfilling prophecy sort of way, my God, you can’t keep your eyes off me. She stared disappointedly.

I asked her if I was coming on a little strong and she said you lack the muscle tone for that. I thought, wow, this is the one, and then she almost ruined the mood by saying quit staring at my chest. I asked if she wanted to play truth or dare, she told me I looked a lot better when my mouth was closed. I took the hint and started doing some spontaneous interpretive dancing.

Oh, look out ladies, I seemed to be saying with my hips, I’m available and I may be too much to handle. She didn’t seem to be getting this so I asked for her number to text her what my interpretive dance was saying.

She said she didn’t give her number out to dancers, not after that incident with Jean. I said it’s pronounced jean, as in the clothing item, and her lack of worldliness is probably what ended things. She said a pair of flannel sweatpants would probably get further with her than I ever would. I told her that’s incorrect, they would definitely get further than I ever would.

I stormed off making thunder noises, and doing jazz hands while yelling the word lightning. I hurried back quietly and informed her that I had stormed off, get it, and was she sad about it. She said a gale force wind was coming in, then she wound up and got a little spittle on my face as she treated my face like a birthday cake with too many candles. It was my turn to be disgusted. She whispered, my name is Gale, get it.

This is going to be an interesting first date.

Questions NOT to Ask Before a First Date

“Do you have, like, a really good sense of smell?”

“How much do you worry about safety?”

“Do you talk with your friends a lot? Family? Basically, I’m just curious who knows about this date … Does anyone know that we’re going to meet up?”

“If you went on a first date with a guy and it went awesome, everything clicked, there was attraction … all that stuff!, but then it turns out he was married – would that bother you?”

“Do you like guys with cats?” (Have I talked about this already, maybe …)

“Hit and run is such a vague thing … like, seriously, answer me, what constitutes a ‘hit’?”

“Are you wearing your pink coat?, because I don’t really like that one.”

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