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Weekly Wacko (63)

I saw this and it made me feel bad for not having gone to church in a LONG while … but I found this funny so here goes.

Born Again Comedy

(Let’s hope that in God’s infinite wisdom, he gets my humor, and gets that I’m a big dummy.)

My family was never consistent about going to Church.

I would wake up some Sunday mornings and hide out in my room, not wanting my parents to know I was already awake. I figured my mom might go to wake my brother, sister and I for Church then she’d say, “well … they’re such Angels when they’re sleeping … We’ll go next week.” (note how I used the word Angel – now that’s comedy!).

Despite my best efforts, we went sometimes. Sometimes meaning more than just Easter and Christmas, but we weren’t ‘religious’ about going (the jokes don’t stop, people).

The Churches we attended tended to be pretty conservative generic Protestant. You’d have your Bible and your Hymnal in front of you.

Turn to page 786 in the Hymnal and let us sing …

Then it’d be some boring drawn out song.

I had the impression that if Church wasn’t stuffy, and if you weren’t dressed stiffly – you weren’t respecting God.

***

In 2000 my family moved to Savannah, Georgia.

We attended Savannah Christian Church.

The pastor was fantastic (my favorite ever – though I have to admit I didn’t really start to pay attention to the sermon until around that time, too).

The music was … different.

There was some sort of ‘rock group’ on the stage.

Guitars in Church?

A DRUMMER?!

This was all new to me.

The people around me started singing these pop Christian songs.

“Jesus, you rock my socks off buuuuddddddy!” (I sincerely hope this is not a real pop Christian song – though I would not be surprised if it was.)

And … what’s this? That guy up there is … raising his arms?

Is he going to strangle someone?

Is he a zombie?

What’s happening?

Does God get bad reception in here? And your arms are rabbit ears?

(Note: If there is a Heaven and Hell, and people get to Heaven and they say, “Brad’s not here? He wasn’t that bad a guy I thought …” I’m in Hell because I thought of this joke today. While I was at Church.)

I couldn’t help but look down and grin – a huge, laughter suppressing grin.

Lucky for me my laugh tends to just be a smile (a ninja laugh, as I call it).

This was new to me.

People ‘feeling it’ or what have you. Raising their arms as they sing and closing their eyes. As though God was, through this poorly written pop song, hugging them.

Eventually the songs stopped and the lead singer began to pray.

Meanwhile, one of the guys on guitar kept going.

Does this prayer have a soundtrack?

Had I missed some part of the Bible where God said He loves a good musical prayer?

***

As this is about Church let me now preach and say: Christians, don’t look down on other Christian services. Christianity is all about love for others, so politely disagree, but focus on the love part.

Also, no offense Christian pop. You’re fine, really. I’m really just interested in the sermon anyway.

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Weekly Wacko (62)

Say, How’s Your God Doing?

A little while back I wrote about an experience I had as an intern where I learned I was less valued than a paperweight.

This is a happier internship story from the same place.

The same summer I started interning there, two guys were hired. One, Sukru from the previously mentioned story. Two, Prasad. Sukru was from Turkey and had just gotten either a PhD or Masters, Prasad from India (“south central India” – he said this to me and I almost laughed in his face, I wanted to shout, “south central in the HOUSE!” because I’m white). Prasad also had a big fancy-pants degree.

Prasad came to work for a little while, and he got himself somewhat acquainted with everything, but he had a trip planned to go back home to India. After a brief while of having him around he was off. A few weeks (felt like millennia) later he returned.

Huzzah!

He brought back with him sweets from India. He went cube-to-cube saying, “sweets from India?” and holding a box of foodstuffs at people. It was adorable and scary. I grabbed something, said thanks, and then forced myself to eat it because he was going to stand there until I tried it.

“Mmmm,” I said at 8:00 am to this incredibly sweet bread-like thing, “yum.”

The BEST part of his return was a conversation I overheard. Except for the odd influx of Prasad and Sukru, the company was very whitebread. And oldish.

Oldish whitebread guy: Hey Prasad! Welcome back!
Prasad: Oh, thank you.
Oldish whitebread guy: You got a haircut!
Prasad: I cut off my hair as a sacrifice to my god.
Oldish whitebread guy: ……….Oh.

FANTASTIC!

Watch for a future video where I do my impression of Prasad, who was impressively nervous over the smallest things.

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Weekly Wacko (61)

Sink Technology Innovations

My dorm room my freshman year of college had a sink and mirror in it. This was nice because my roommate and I could brush our teeth and shave in the room if we wanted (any time spent not wearing shower shoes is time well spent).

One day I decided I looked scruffy enough and decided to shave.

I got out my shaving stuff, put on some shaving cream, turned on the hot water and started. After one stroke with the blade I ‘cleaned’ it. I did this again. And again.

Without realizing it, I was tapping the blade on the stopper in the sink.

I realized that soon enough when water starting filling up.

Uh oh.

I had completely closed the stopper (one of those metal ones that push up or down, simple enough).

I tried to get my fingers between the stopper and the metal around it to pry it up. No dice. I got out a penny – not thin enough. Eventually I dug out my Swiss Army knife (I really have no idea why I thought I would need this, but it turns out I did use it. Once. Definitely worth it.). I was able to get the blade in to pry open the stopper.

That’s when I noticed, between the cold and hot water taps was the metal part that you simply push or pull to open or close the stopper.

It’s not that I had never used a sink like this before, it’s just that I’m a moron.

And if you need further proof – I did the SAME EXACT THING about a month later.

(The second time I did that I told my English class about it and my professor told me that’s not the sort of thing I should tell people. I told her, in my head, ‘yeah? well you’re ugly.’)

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