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Weekly Wacko (45)

Coming Clean

I’m going to tell you something not many people know.

What’s the big secret?

My cat’s name.

Her name … is (was) Nuts.

Nuts, the cat.

She got this name because she was crazy, aka bonkers, aka loony, aka nuts.

I didn’t usually tell people her name, instead referring to her as “meowsers” or “the cat” because, here’s a surprise, most boys don’t think ‘synonym for crazy’ when they hear the word ‘nuts.’ I was going to say I started doing this when I was in elementary school – but I realized I did this even until college, when she died. That’s because boys are perpetually stupid. Girls too, but we’re better at it.

Our dog’s name is Chaser (she got the name from a Big Dog t-shirt – “The Unleashables”). Chaser is not embarrassing to admit to, but for the sake of uniformity I have pretty much always referred to the dog and cat, not by their names, but as “the dog” and “the cat.”

Sometimes “the dog” is also called, “the pooch,” “the pup” and “the mutt.”

There you have it, the cat’s out of the bag … (I should’ve written for Frasier).

Weekly Wacko (43)

Festival of Sadness

I bought a car today.

Which is good, and bad. Hence: Festival of Sadness. It’s good to have a new car for the reasons I’ve outlined below, but it’s bad because – hey, who likes spending that much money?

I’m a very practical (boring) guy. I bought lower than what I could have because it’s a car. It’ll get me from point A to point B. It’ll do so with a high history of reliability, a good rating from Consumer Reports, and decent gas mileage.

Told you I was boring.

I said goodbye to my beloved Yoda (the car I had until today). Yoda was a 2000 Toyota Camry. My dad bought her when we lived in Georgia, and I took over the car after I graduated college in 2007. My mom sold me the car for $1. It was a pretty good deal. (Oh, my Dad named the car. Yoda the Toyota. You see now where I get these ‘clever’ jokes?)

I said goodbye to a bruised and beaten Yoda. Here are some of the ‘features’ I won’t miss:

  • One day I was driving my work buddies and I to lunch. My friend J in the back seat tried to open his window – instead the window motor made a crazy noise. Back right window no longer in service.
  • Another day J was in the back left seat, and the same thing happened. Seriously.
  • Lately it has gotten to be punch-me-in-the-face hot and humid here in Houston, TX. The perfect time for a car to have an A/C button that causes the car to make a crazy noise, and spit out hot air.
  • 160,000 miles driven worth of goodness.
  • A weird paint/what-the-heck-is-that? stain in the back seat.
  • Accelerating came to be a bit of a challenge. Attempting to go from 0 to 20 in under five seconds resulted in ridiculous revving, and the RPMs would shoot to over 3000 (i.e. YIKES!).
  • Here’s the crowning jewel of my car: The driver door … was missing … the door handle. Split right off. This happened about two years ago and I’d been, um … too busy? I have gotten to be very adept at opening the back door, half-sitting down, reaching up front and opening the driver’s door.

Unfortunately I got a little too used to the missing door handle. During one of my car shopping visits I opened the back door of a car when I was about to test drive it. I managed to play it off as looking in the back to see how roomy it was.
Anyhow. Goodbye my dearest Yoda. Hello … new car (picture it like Seinfeld saying “hello … Newman”).

I’ll have to think up a cool name for the newbie. I don’t know that I’ll ever come up with one as cool as Yoda …

Weekly Wacko (42)

I thought of Brenda and Mike today (they’re explained below) because my work ‘situation’ right now reminds me of them. I am enjoying the extra odd, somewhat dark, humor that comes out of these stressful situations.

My friend J – who I work with now – made a somewhat dark joke. At work you can ‘self-nominate,’ that is choose to be one of the ones to get fired. A group of us walked over to McDonald’s and Jake said he could jump in front of a car and yell, “self-nominated!!!” Another friend joked that we should do a roast of our software product if we do get canned. Pretty geeky joke but it cracked me up.


Worst-Case Friendship

I worked with a small team for about a year and a half. It was my first job right out of college, and this was not the case for them. I was junior to each of them by about twenty years – this varied person to person, but that’s a good amount to say for the average age difference.

I took a while to get comfortable working with them for two big reasons: I was their junior in age, which meant also in experience. Secondly, I don’t know what to do with my sense of humor in a work-environment, so I clam up even more than usual. Which, between you, me, and anyone willing to read this, that’s a lot of clamming up.

Eventually I was able to crack jokes and be myself somewhat. This was especially true with two of the co-workers: Brenda and Mike.

Budget cuts forced our part of the large program we were working on to end. Two senior developers (that is, software engineers, or programmers, or coders, or code monkeys, or socially tactless buffoons, or whatever you want to call them) left pretty quickly after we found out we’d be ending. This left a strain on the rest of the team to close out our product. During this time I got to be much more comfortable and jokes-y with Brenda and Mike. I’d say it was one of those bonding under harsh situations kinds of things.

That is, harsh according to corporate America standards. Not really harsh in the grand scheme of things, just frustrating with job uncertainty and working overtime. Yes, that’s right, working overtime to make sure we do a good job to end our work. Ironic in a corporate-humor-cynical-guy kind of way.

Brenda and I moved to a new location and were sitting pretty close to each other. During this time our main job was to find a new job within a certain time limit. Job searching doesn’t take that much time, though, so every day we’d chat a bit about nothing. I was a big fan of hearing about her son, a senior in high school, and her daughter, a freshman in high school. It was like getting the inside scoop from a mom’s perspective – something I can’t really do with my mom since she’s my mom.

One day we were talking about visits to the eye doctor (I had just gotten a new pair of glasses), and earthquakes (I have no idea). Then this thought came to me, “can you imagine if you were having one of those eye surgeries and an earthquake happened?”

Brenda was amazed. She had not thought of that. She told me that she tends to say things like that to her family and their response is always along the lines of, ‘geez, why’d you go there?’ They didn’t think of the worst-case scenarios like she did.

That moment, after working with Brenda for a year and a half, where I thought of a bizarre worst-case scenario, was probably when Brenda thought the most of me.

And, possibly worst, I’m pretty proud of that.