The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

When I was very young, let’s say four years old, I had a pair of sneakers that I believed in. They were my Special Racing Shoes. If I was wearing regular shoes and we raced, you may very well beat me. That’s fine. It happens. But if I was wearing my Special Racing Shoes – I COULD NOT LOSE.

This was perhaps a theory developed by racing against my mom, or dad, or sister, and beating them while wearing my Special Racing Shoes.

Or, equally possible, I had bestowed this quality of speed improvement abilities based solely on how cool they look.

One day my brother (who is seven years older) and I were talking or maybe I just interrupted a conversation he was having with others – I have no memory of the conversation – I just know the outcome was him saying “let’s race” and me saying “let me get my Special Racing Shoes” because, ipso facto, I was going to win. I was excited. I knew I was about to win and this was a thrilling thought to beat my 11 year old brother.

Shoes on, laced up (Velcro-d?), ready to rock. And your mark. Get set. DREAMS CRUSHED.

My brother did not slow down one iota. My Special Racing Shoes became … sneakers.

Fast forward twenty-five-ish years. I’m running regularly and trying harder than I did even while in high school cross-country and track. I’m actually placing at running events (in my age bracket that is). And what do I owe it all to? My Special Racing Shoes!

When I go for a regular jog I wear a pair of New Balance shoes (I pretty much always stick with New Balance for jogging) and la de da I trot my merry self along until I become tired and not that merry and then questioning of my sanity and angry and then I near the finish and I’m pumped and I can do this! and then I’m burnt out and I’m tired again and just. want. to. finish. and then there I am, done. And I am a-ok with the idea of another jog. But on race days … oh, on race days I wear a different pair of New Balance. A pair with practically 0 drop and very little support (I reserve these for 5ks and 10ks). With these puppies on I’m not unbeatable, but honest to goodness, I tend to run faster.

A newer version of my race day shoes.

Why? Well, with the different shoe design my body has a good reason to strike the ground differently (more a mid or fore-foot strike).

Normally I might hit heel-toe-spring off to the next step. With my minimum support shoes I strike mid-foot-spring to the next step. You see that? That’s hit-go instead of hit-hit-go.

A necessary caveat: I have read various articles about running and rearfoot vs mid-foot strike and the conclusion is … inconclusive. Some articles say one is better, others say the other. In my opinion, it’s whatever works best for you. For me, I think when I focus on striking with mid-foot (vs my usual which I feel leans slightly rearfoot) I am faster because I’m focused on hitting the ground and getting my foot into the air quickly. The difference may purely be a result of higher cadence. Here’s one example article that says I’m dead wrong in saying midfoot is better.

Whatever it is, my dear friends, it is the magic of the Special Racing Shoes.

Attn: Ellen (7/8/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Recently I went to Minnesota for the first time and I found it to be pretty, full of friendly people, and lots of in-laws.

This may not hold for all.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Saturday night I was hanging out with family when my wife looked up some family horoscopes. Some of the group believe horoscopes can be pretty spot on (when you do the more specific set involving the sun and moon) and others did not quite buy into this (myself included).

My wife read mine: sun sign leo and moon sign gemini (just call me the high-flyin’ lion), and it got some laughs due to some accuracies. Particularly the first bits: “His illumination: quick wit, his dark side: child like.” A dark side as being child like? Pfft. But, I suppose, if you ask someone who is attempting to have a serious conversation with me while I am attempting to not laugh because it sounds like they might have a bubble in their throat … I suppose childlike is not the best.

In my opinion, like most horoscope-related things, some of the things this has to say about me are right … others, not so much.

Anywho, here I am (from the following site):

Leo Sun Gemini Moon (for guys)

“His Illumination: Quick wit.

His dark side: Child like.

This guy has got to be a salesman. He is in, perhaps, radio sales. Whatever his profession is, he uses his words to trade. I don’t know for sure, but I bet he talks in his sleep. Quick witted, restless, intelligent, light hearted–these men are ever so enchanting. You can usually find them in some sort of a class or another. The Moon position creates a perpetual student. While physically active, and sports minded, he finds a good book fascinating too. He won’t read a book, though, unless he is learning something or doing it for the children. He has friends all over the place, and of every type. He hates schedules and is on them only for appointments he considers important. The restless nature of the Moon demands variety in life: job changes, residence changes, and often changes of the woman in his life. It takes a bit of a whirlwind to keep up with him, at any rate. Leo wants a family life, Gemini doesn’t, so there will always be some conflict over his domestic needs. Maybe just a nice place and a wife he can drop in on from time to time. He’s going to be hard to figure because he is restless and honestly isn’t sure what he wants. Maybe, if you don’t try to tie him down, you can keep him around. There is a brief, curious fascination with almost every woman he meets. The longer infatuations come with someone he can relate to, the lifelong infatuations are a rare combination of a number of things like the ability to let him play, be a child, to express his ego, to flirt, for you to be intelligent, and beautiful (Leo knows beauty.) This is the sort of stuff that calls for a superwoman. I really can’t say who does the best with this one. Perhaps an Aquarius, for sure a Gemini, or a girl with a nice child like Leo Moon. Don’t enable him to be a child. Be one with him.”

(Taken from The Book of Lovers by Carolyn Reynolds.)