The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘fantail’

Attn: Ellen (8/12/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

When my buddy and I were in Brugge I saw some nuns out walking around. I was convinced if we followed them we would spot them engaging in something equally frivolous and innocent like hopscotch, marbles, or hula hooping.

Why are nuns only ruler-wielding disciplinarians or elementary school kids (nice ones) at recess?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Advertisements

Attn: Ellen (8/5/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Do you think there is a group of dreamy-eyed surfer guys from California who are also huge One Direction fans that call themselves the One-Dir Brahs?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (7/29/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Everyone looks cool, and chic, and fashionable … but on the middle row, 2nd from the left … is that a floating pair of underwear on the guy’s shoulder? Is that cool? Or is he worried? Frankly, this postcard leads to too many questions – please advise!

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (7/22/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Coming from Houston (a flat place if ever there was one), jogging in Carlsbad, California felt like I was in an Escher painting – every hill was somehow uphill. The next time I see someone with monster calves I will know – native Southern Californian.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (7/8/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Recently I went to Minnesota for the first time and I found it to be pretty, full of friendly people, and lots of in-laws.

This may not hold for all.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (7/1/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

If I was a former child star who saved well, once every 7 years I would book a hotel ballroom/convention area, emphasizing that I need the room for all my fans. Then, I’d sit in there alone, surrounded by ceiling fans, box fans, etc. Eventually some hotel PR person would stop by and be so weirded out they’ll want to switch jobs.

Now that’s what I call liven’!

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Attn:Ellen (6/24/2015)

Front

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 
The text of the postcard is:

Dear Ellen,

You know what I think is a mistake? Life insurance commercials that try to sympathize or be relatable. No dice, commercial. Focus on the positive: “1 out of every ~5,500 people who fake their death and move to Fiji with the insurance money are successful! So, what are you waiting for?” 

I just made that up, but I’m sold!
Sincerely,

DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

%d bloggers like this: