The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

So, like, Obama cares … But what does he care about? I don’t get it. And why are people angry about him caring? Does he care about stupid stuff or something? And, uh, hello news people, it’s Obama careS … not Obama care. Grammar much?

Um, ok, I’m really confused. A rod plays baseball? Do they mean the bat? Why don’t they say bat? And what does it mean to say a rod is on performance enhancing drugs? Like the bat has super powers? Is it made out of some super tough wood or something? Seriously, I don’t get it.

Ben Affleck is the new Batman? That’s cool. I’ll totally see that.

Remember way back on Monday, when I talked about Lincoln by Thomas Keneally. I decided to make a note of a few facts that I learned from the book that I thought were crazy.

General Scott had stationed troops along Pennsylvania Avenue and around the Capitol with the specific instructions, for the first time in American history, to protect the incoming president’s life.

 

Near the east portico of the Capitol, a rostrum had been built, with barriers to separate the inauguration party from the public, again for the first time in history. The old republican piety of the president’s being merely the first among citizens had come under threat of the assassin’s bullet, a threat that would never leave the American political scene.

 

That successor was Gen. Ambrose Burnside, a robust six-footer with ferocious “sideburns,” as people had begun to call those flourishes of facial hair in whimsical regard for the general.

 

Similarly, a flat 3 percent tax on all incomes over eight hundred dollars per year was introduced, and though it produced at first an insubstantial flow of revenue, it marked the beginning of the fiscal world twentieth-century Americans would inherit.

When Lincoln gave the Gettysburg Address another man, Edward Everett (a classical scholar), spoke before him. Everett spoke for TWO HOURS, and his speech was considered “enormously successful, brilliant in the eyes of contemporaries.” After that speech Lincoln gave his now very famous address. And according to one historian, Garry Wills, it changed things.

In its exalting of vernacular and biblical oratory over Everett’s Greek Revival tour de force, Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address made the traditional rhetoric of its day suddenly obsolete. “[A]ll modern political prose descends from the Gettysburg Address.”

When I was home a few weeks ago I saw some of my favorite old books in my bedroom. One of them is a book that is not mine, it’s one my mom found that is old and fantastic.

It’s called What a Young Boy Ought to Know. It was written by Sylvanus Stall as part of the Purity and Truth, Self and Sex Series. If that’s not a catchy series, I don’t know what catchy means. Wait, what does catchy mean? That’s like an adjective to describe catchers in baseball?

Anywho – here are some pictures of the book, which is great for the content, and also because it’s from 1897 (old books are fun).

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So elegant. So full of … facts?

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The whole series was written lucidly and purely … Whoa.

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All joking aside, I was pretty surprised to see a few females (they had pages of older folks spewing kind words about these books). That struck me as fairly progressive considering the year and content of this book.

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“Dad can I start reading tonight, please? Please please PUH-LEASE!”
-Any boy, after seeing the riveting enticements of chapter 1

 

 

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Part II’s title … I wonder if a counter book was produced and their chapter two had the title, “Use it or Lose it.”

 

 

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That’s right ladies and older gentlemen, you’re not off the hook – you all need to know what is appropriate when it come to Purity and Truth, Self and Sex.