Mountain Goatye
Alambis Morissette
Owl Green
Harry Elafonte
Moose Springsteen
Thankfully there are also a lot of Barry singers, because we have quite a few bears. Chuck Beary, Beary Manilow … other ones that of course I’m drawing a blank on right now.
Front
Back (apologies for my handwriting!)
The text of the postcard is
Dear Ellen,
I wonder if there is a Guinness World Record for longest “awwwwww.” And wouldn’t t be weird if that was achieved by someone looking at a picture of a blue whale. If I was from Guinness I would disqualify the person.
Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery
P.S. If I was going for the record I’d look at baby fox pictures.
‘Discoverer’: OH. MY. GOD! THIS IS AMAZING! Guys … GUYS!
Person 1: Hey, what’s up?
Person 2: Ohhhhhh. I see. He discovered fire.
‘Discoverer’: Can you believe this?! This is amazing!!!
Person 1: Aw. Yes, it is amazing, kid.
Person 2: Yep.
‘Discoverer’: Ok. Fine. Sure. Whatever. You guys have also discovered fire but like … COME ON! Look at this PARTICULAR fire. It is …
Person 1: No, no, sweetheart.
Person 2: Love your fire. It’s what you should do. But your fire is not objectively more special than anyone else’s fire is to them.
‘Discoverer’: (Uh … yeah huh.)
Person 2: Child. I have discovered fire FOUR times. You think I don’t know when someone is talking under their breath at me?
‘Discoverer’: (Kicks sand sheepishly) It’s just …
Person 1: I get it. Your fire is incredible. As it should be.
‘Discoverer’: Yeah, I mean I can’t prove it but I feel like there is an intensity to my fire that –
Person 2: Child.
‘Discoverer’: Ok ok, fine. Whatever. Every fire is great. But you know what, I still think mine is a more magical fire than the fires you discovered.
Person 1: As you should.
Person 2: And it’s such a cute fire.
‘Discoverer’: (Yeah, way cuter than your fires …)
Person 1 and 2, in unison: Child.
DumbFunnery 