The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘al roker’

Cloning, and Al Roker

You know what would be the first thing I would do if I had a machine that allowed me to clone people? I would clone Al Roker, and I would try to manipulate the clone a little bit (think Brave New World, or genetic cookbook that allows recipe alteration). Here’s what I would end up with: a gang of Al Rokers!

But why, why you ask! I’ll tell you why. Allow me to introduce you to …

  • Al Smoker

Al Smoker is just like Al Roker, but he is cool. Or maybe has bad acne. Or can’t run so much due to the smoking. You know who makes Al Smoker look good though?

  • Al Toker

He has no idea what’s going on, but he’s pretty happy about it. How does Al Toker support his bad habits given he works eight hours a week at a McDonald’s?

  • Al Broker

What’s that? You think I forgot about today’s blog post til this morning when I was watching the Today show and this was the best I could come up with? Well … I wish Al JOKER was here, because he’d know exactly what to say in response.

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Du Jour of the Week

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An Egregious Error

This is the name of my imaginary band.

Below are the members of the band.

Jimmy “the onesy” Franklin – Jimmy’s almost as neurotic as he is short. He’s average height. He plays the lead guitar and can’t sing for anything but we love him anyway. He got drunk and tried to paint flames on the side of his 2004 Toyota Corolla, and he ended up with a dragon painted on the side of his car. You can’t get much cooler than that.

Lisa “don’t call me” Johhannssenn – She plays the tambourine. She’s got a nice smile … She’s … everyone hates her, but she makes the best snacks.

Me – Lead vocals on a good day, unknowingly singing into a muted mic on most days. I am to style what cat ladies are to good-smelling. I love a good sandwich, but I hate your face.

Squatty (last name unknown) – The only good member of the band. He’s in shackles in the corner. We keep telling him we’ll let him go, but … he’s the only reason we got our first record into some stores. Concerts are a problem though. Stockholm Syndrome, kick in!

Our first CD was called, “Wake Up and Smell the – Dang, I Peed the Bed.”

Track 1 – “Shut Up Your Face”
Track 2 – “I’m Sorry Darling, I Shouldn’t Have Told You to Shut Up Your Face”
Track 3 – “Houston, We Have a Problem … And I Blame Society”
Track 4 – “OMFG ROFL I’m So Lonely”
Track 5 – “You Look Charming in That Thong”
Track 6 – “Knock-Knock. Who’s There? Nobody. … Oh, Wait, It’s the Pizza Guy! Who’s Got Cash??”
Track 7 – “Eat Your Heart Out, Al Roker”
Track 8 – “Cannabilism – Hot Or Not?”
Track 9 – “If I Was Anymore Inept I’d Be … Um … I Forgot”
Track 10 – “THAT’S What a Suppository Is??”
Track 11 – “What Does the Word ‘Outro’ Mean?”
Track 12 – “Ladies and Gentlemen For the First Time We Introduce Mr. and Mrs. Who Gives a Ship”

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Du Jour of the Week

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