The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘charlie sheen’s penis’

Charlie Sheen’s Most Popular Body Part

We live in a strange, strange world my friends.

About two years ago all of the Charlie Sheen craziness was happening. (You know, when he said stuff like, “Dying is for fools. Amateurs.” This website has a number of his gems.) I took the opportunity to write a silly blog post (because I do that about everything, anyway) and it has led to a really unexpected result.

My blog post talked about Charlie Sheen’s different body parts using crazy phrases (it was a ton of fun to write). One of the body parts was, “You Know …” and the accompanying tag was “Charlie Sheen’s penis.” Here’s what I said about that body part:

Try this on for size – Charlie as a whole is an F-16. Ok. Fine. That’s good. Know what I am? I am your recurring nightmare wrapped in silk and piloting the Death Star without even trying and when I do try, man, you have to watch out because life. can’t. handle. this. Ohmigod I just invented gravity again. Now it travels at 9.9 meters per second squared. Feel heavier? Sorry, deal with it. I already adjusted and broke all Carl Lewis’ records in track and field.

Oh, two year ago self, how innocent and naive you were. Take a look at this weird result. These are search terms that have led people to my blog.

Charlie Sheen penis

At least whoever wanted to see a quokka had their request satisfied.

I’m not sure when it started, because I only recently started looking at the search terms that led to my blog on a somewhat-regular basis. But here are the results, as of today:

  • charlie sheen penis – 37
  • charlie sheen’s penis – 33
  • charlie sheens penis – 25
  • charlie sheen’s dick – 11
  • charlie sheen cock – 11
  • charlie sheen penis pic – 9
  • charlie sheen dick pic – 7
  • charlie sheen cock pic – 6
  • charlie sheens dick – 6
  • charlie sheen penis pictures – 5
  • charlie sheen penis picture – 5
  • charlie sheen cock pics – 5
  • charlie sheens cock – 5
  • charlie sheen penis shot – 4
  • pictures of charlie sheen’s penis – 4
  • charlie sheen’s penis picture – 3
  • picture of charlie sheen’s cock – 3
  • charlie sheens penis pic – 3
  • picture of charlie sheen dick – 3
  • charlie sheen dick pics – 3

Ok, I had to stop. This is really weird. My blog is not popular AT ALL and yet people type this in and end up coming to my blog? Really? My blog is not first page of results material unless you include “dumbfunnery” in your search. How weird are people?

I realize this post will probably lead even more misguided internet weirdos to my blog, but you know what?, maybe this will be their wake up call (doubtful, but it’ll get me more hits).

I’m feeling very disturbed. I’m going to go watch cartoons and pretend I live in a simpler, nicer world.

Charlie Sheen’s Most Supreme Body Part

Which Body Part is Charlie Sheen’s Best?

 

 

Sorry for the crappy picture quality … (here’s the text)

Knee

“Dude don’t get me started on – WHOAAAAA I just cured cancer. Then I time traveled to everywhere and stopped cancer from even existing.”

 

Teeth

I remember one time I was gnawing on one of my arms (possibly someone else’s arm?) and I had to stop and just admire myself for a second because without thinking about it I had also chewed off 3 or 4 legs. Can your teeth do that? NO.

 

You Know …

Try this on for size – Charlie as a whole is an F-16. Ok. Fine. That’s good. Know what I am? I am your recurring nightmare wrapped in silk and piloting the Death Star without even trying and when I do try, man, you have to watch out because life. can’t. handle. this. Ohmigod I just invented gravity again. Now it travels at 9.9 meters per second squared. Feel heavier? Sorry, deal with it. I already adjusted and broke all Carl Lewis’ records in track and field.

 

Right Eye

Looked into your soul. Got bored. Created a new soul for you. Actually somewhat worse than your previous soul – sorry.

 

Knee

You know that feeling when you’re coked up and you can’t remember if you’re talking to a hooker or a nightstand and so you just kind of hold money out and hope for the best and then show that hooker/nightstand the night of its life? That’s how I feel ALL THE TIME.

 

Upper Thigh

I have to invent new words sometimes because the english language was invented by fools and tyrants and shquandlos and God I’m just wyxlam you know? Oh no you don’t because you’re inferior. Wait. Reading this temporarily made you better than me but then I created another version of myself, killed that version and again made myself the supreme being.

 

Heart

I WILL REIGN DOWN UPON YOU MY SUPERIOR INFINITENESS OF SANDWICH-LIKE MAGNIFICENCE! I AM TALKING CHICKEN SALAD SANDWICHES HERE TOO SO YOU KNOW I MEAN BUSINESS. LIKE WITH CUT-UP WALNUTS AND MAYBE SOME GRAPES AND LIKE THE BEST BREAD IMAGINABLE. BOOM SANDWICH TIME.

 

Hair

I’ve seen things man. I’ve seen things you can’t imagine and I just dance in the wind and meanwhile you’re all just sitting there contemplating about dinner. Dinner? Seriously? I had seven dinners already today because time stops and starts at my whim and oh I’m so effing whimsical today man.

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