The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Christmas’

The Story of Mr. Quackers

Before my wife and I moved from Houston to Colorado we were out with her folks one day. They had offered to buy us a dining room table, and we said, ‘yeah, ok.’ We probably said that more graciously, but who knows.

While at a furniture store I quickly took to wandering because … it was a furniture store.

I noticed none other than Mr. Quackers. A nice, wooden duck with clogs. How odd. I picked him up and did an old Bugs Bunny cartoon dance routine, having him dance around while I provided the music.

IMG_20171205_072041493~2My wife’s mom noticed this.

Fast forward … some amount of time. Weeks? A month plus? It’s Christmas Day! Huzzah!

It’s my wife’s family’s year and we are opening gifts. I’m slowly unwrapping this large gift, curious what it could be in such a large box, and whale … it’s … a duck? With shoes? What an odd, odd thing to get somebody. My wife’s mom has gone batty.

‘Hey … thanks!’

What on earth? I mean, I know her family recognizes that I’m a weirdo but what a truly strange shot in the dark for a gift.

You see, I had no memory of having Mr. Quackers get up and dance because I do dumb things every where I go, every day. If I had to remember all of the dumb things I do, my brain would be a complete waste of space.

To me, the fact that I opened up a (to me, at the moment) totally random duck with shoes for Christmas is very funny to me, and it makes me appreciate Mr. Quackers and my wife’s folks all the more.

Attn: Ellen (12/27/17)



Back (apologies for my handwriting!)



The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Here’s the conundrum. I would say Merry Christmas to you, but … Donald Trump. He’s got his whole ‘Christmas is under attack’ thing going and I detest that man. Plus, I have a natural ‘you don’t tell me what to do!’ side to me.

All that to say … Happy Christmas! (I went British. Take that.)

Sincerely, OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Merry Christmas!!

My wife suggested we make each other sweaters to wear on Christmas day. We settled for long sleeves from Hobby Lobby.

Her sweater for me comes with instructions. When people say ‘great sweater!’ I am supposed to say ‘dino!’ … Like ‘I know!’ … But ‘dino.’

My sweater for her … Haven’t you heard of the famous Christmas sheep?

From our little weird family to yours, Merry Christmas!!

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