The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘strange’

Die Hand

Germany … you’re an odd place. And here’s why I say that.

The German word for neck is hals. The word for back is zurück. And ear is ohr. Eye is auge.

Distinct, unique. Clearly words the Germans had thought, ‘we should make words for these things.’

But here’s where they lose me.

The German word for hand … is hand.

The German word for arm … is arm.

The German word for finger … is finger.

It’s like they just completely forgot about those body parts until one day some Germans were hanging out with some English and the Germans realized, ‘oh crap … we don’t have names for any of the stuff connect to our brust (which means chest) … we should come up with names.’

Englishman: ‘and what do you guys call hands?’

German: ‘die hand.’

Englishman: ‘…no, like, in your language.’

German: ‘yah, hand … is hand.’

I would’ve been a pretty skeptical Englishman if I had heard, in sequence, that the German’s words for arm, hand and finger were … arm, hand and finger. And it’s not like the Germans forgot about appendages altogether. Leg is bein, foot is Fuß, and toe is zehe.

Germans, eh, they’re an odd bunch.

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The Story of Mr. Quackers

Before my wife and I moved from Houston to Colorado we were out with her folks one day. They had offered to buy us a dining room table, and we said, ‘yeah, ok.’ We probably said that more graciously, but who knows.

While at a furniture store I quickly took to wandering because … it was a furniture store.

I noticed none other than Mr. Quackers. A nice, wooden duck with clogs. How odd. I picked him up and did an old Bugs Bunny cartoon dance routine, having him dance around while I provided the music.

IMG_20171205_072041493~2My wife’s mom noticed this.

Fast forward … some amount of time. Weeks? A month plus? It’s Christmas Day! Huzzah!

It’s my wife’s family’s year and we are opening gifts. I’m slowly unwrapping this large gift, curious what it could be in such a large box, and whale … it’s … a duck? With shoes? What an odd, odd thing to get somebody. My wife’s mom has gone batty.

‘Hey … thanks!’

What on earth? I mean, I know her family recognizes that I’m a weirdo but what a truly strange shot in the dark for a gift.

You see, I had no memory of having Mr. Quackers get up and dance because I do dumb things every where I go, every day. If I had to remember all of the dumb things I do, my brain would be a complete waste of space.

To me, the fact that I opened up a (to me, at the moment) totally random duck with shoes for Christmas is very funny to me, and it makes me appreciate Mr. Quackers and my wife’s folks all the more.

What a Fun Trip!

And then I said “wow what a trip!,” and mom said, “that was a fun trip,” and I thought, “holy cow mom’s on acid!” and she said, “no I’m not on acid I meant the family vacation,” and then she turned into a dragon and ate dad and I thought, “maybe this isn’t a fun trip.”

Uhhh … What?

A guy I work with uses the word “dragon” as a synonym for a problem of any kind.

“Get to work on this and you’ll find some dragons!”
“I bet there’s a whole box of dragons once you get into that.”

I had a meeting with him and he talked about dragons, and I tried to focus while thinking about my upcoming trip – and voila – that piece of weird up top came out.

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