The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘cockroach’

Running Thoughts, part 1

I am getting back into running long distances as part of my training for the Tough Mudder and, I’ll tell you, it inspires weird thoughts.

I’m not alone in this, as the author of The Oatmeal also described the same thing. Although he is much more popular, runs farther than me, faster than me, and is funnier than me. Classic jerk if you ask me.

This past Sunday I ran 9 miles in Galveston. It was a nice change of scenery from my usual long runs, but there was one problem: the mosquitoes (I have since realized that even where I live the mosquitoes seem to have taken over). The abundance of mosquitoes (and the long distance) took my mind to a weird thought …

I decided that mosquitoes are the world’s most intelligent species. Many years ago they began collecting blood samples from different animals all over the world and studying them. They would bring these samples back to local labs and look to see what animals were best at surviving. A utilitarian species, the mosquitoes (who were not at the time the same mosquitoes as we know them) realized something: they were not fit for survival.

The optimally designed rat finks.

These primitive mosquitoes saw, by their extensive research and studying, that the ideal form for survival was … well, mosquitoes as we know them today. But there came to be a disagreement in the community of mosquitoes. A gathering of all the chief researchers was organized and it did not go as planned. Instead of the group coming together with one optimal design for survival, a schism hit the group.

Each group had definite characteristics that could be noticed. Group A was more outgoing, social, and adventurous. They looked at the design idea for the mosquito and saw perfection.

Group B was more withdrawn. They often preferred to look at their conclusions on their own, in the dark, away from others. This group saw the idea of flying as needlessly dangerous. They presented a second idea. They claimed this would be just as hearty and could withstand anything the first design could withstand, and then some. Group B became … cockroaches.

So there you have it. That’s what I was thinking about while dog tired and staring at this beautiful scenery.

Galveston Texas

Galveston, TX

Weekly Wacko (56)

Make Someone Feel Uncomfortable Day 2010

Thanks to my friend Theresa for sharing this link with me about Make Someone Feel Uncomfortable Day 2010. I’m touched that I am associated with creating awkward situations.

Story One: Making Others Uncomfortable

The summer between my 8th and 9th grade years my dad’s side of the family had a HUGE family reunion. A massive amount of Stanleys.

We did all kinds of things but one night we all gathered and sat in this big barn-type room (we were at some very nature-y place in Colorado for the reunion). Everyone was there (minus probably a few old people who had already gone to sleep). We did a few things, and then it came time for …

Family Facts!

Every person in the room would take a turn standing up and telling a little known fact about ‘us Stanleys.’ (If my memory serves correctly – my memory verifier here, aka my mom, was not available.) This whole process was not delightful for me whatsoever. Public speaking. Public speaking at an event where other people were telling jokes and getting laughs. Oh, I had to get a laugh! I just had to!

I remember two facts given. Mine. And my mom’s. My mom’s was funny. Mine …

“A little known fact about [last name] … is that they’re like cockroaches … even if you cut off their head they keep living, and talking …, for weeks.” [Again – I’m not sure exactly about my mom’s joke but I know I was a big fan.] But, if you’re curious – that is a fact about roaches.

Mine: “A little known” (odd licking motion) “fact about us” (again odd licking motion) “is that we’re part snake.”

Yuck. Blech. Gross. My joke TANKED. I would guess that most people just thought I was a weirdo who licked my face a lot, and the confidence-shattering silence across the room probably made me mumble the ‘punch line.’

There you go – I stood up and called my family a bunch of snakes while licking my face excessively. Congratulations to me.

Story Two: Being Uncomfortable because of Someone Else

One time during college the girl I was dating found out that I didn’t really like the word ‘panties.’  [Another friend of mine found the word ‘supple’ to be very uncomfortable, so of course when I found that out everything was described as being ‘supple’ in varying degrees.]

The then-girlfriend found out about the word panties right before we got to the grocery store. My new nickname for that hour was, of course, panties.

“Do you need milk, panties?”
“Hey that cereal is on sale – don’t you like that stuff … panties?”
“Hey panties I’m in this lane checking out! … Panties! … Panties in lane 7. Yes, you, panties!”

The End

There you have it – two uncomfortable situations. They’re both simple enough, harmless to everyone but me (and those hit by my awkward shock-waves). Have a great Make Someone Uncomfortable Day 2010, and a good weekend!

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