The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘work out’

Running Thoughts, part 1

I am getting back into running long distances as part of my training for the Tough Mudder and, I’ll tell you, it inspires weird thoughts.

I’m not alone in this, as the author of The Oatmeal also described the same thing. Although he is much more popular, runs farther than me, faster than me, and is funnier than me. Classic jerk if you ask me.

This past Sunday I ran 9 miles in Galveston. It was a nice change of scenery from my usual long runs, but there was one problem: the mosquitoes (I have since realized that even where I live the mosquitoes seem to have taken over). The abundance of mosquitoes (and the long distance) took my mind to a weird thought …

I decided that mosquitoes are the world’s most intelligent species. Many years ago they began collecting blood samples from different animals all over the world and studying them. They would bring these samples back to local labs and look to see what animals were best at surviving. A utilitarian species, the mosquitoes (who were not at the time the same mosquitoes as we know them) realized something: they were not fit for survival.

The optimally designed rat finks.

These primitive mosquitoes saw, by their extensive research and studying, that the ideal form for survival was … well, mosquitoes as we know them today. But there came to be a disagreement in the community of mosquitoes. A gathering of all the chief researchers was organized and it did not go as planned. Instead of the group coming together with one optimal design for survival, a schism hit the group.

Each group had definite characteristics that could be noticed. Group A was more outgoing, social, and adventurous. They looked at the design idea for the mosquito and saw perfection.

Group B was more withdrawn. They often preferred to look at their conclusions on their own, in the dark, away from others. This group saw the idea of flying as needlessly dangerous. They presented a second idea. They claimed this would be just as hearty and could withstand anything the first design could withstand, and then some. Group B became … cockroaches.

So there you have it. That’s what I was thinking about while dog tired and staring at this beautiful scenery.

Galveston Texas

Galveston, TX

An Ode to New Year’s Resolutions

It’s nice to look to New Year’s Resolutions
As providing “I’ll get to it tomorrow” solutions
But look fast, my friend,
Last year is at an end
That means your resolutions start now
Give them a shot before you disavow

This year – an early bedtime every night!
You’ll be alert and awake and oh-so-bright!
But … that one show’s on late tonight …
And coffee can keep work all right

Ok, well, there’s working out every day!
Co-workers will see me and not know what to say
I’ll need protein with my work-outs, in the form of fillet
But, to properly prepare a fillet
You really need all day
So in my kitchen preparing, and snacking, I will stay!
Besides, working out resolutions are so passé

Eating better, though, that I … I …
Well, I mean, I can try …
(I’m saying that with a sigh
As I kiss Oreos, Doughnuts, and happiness goodbye)

Life’s too short to be un-sated
Be nice to people, animals, and the planet
As for the rest, roll with it

4 Day Weekend – Ideal v Reality

De Jour of the Week (3/29/10)

I’m trying to get back into jogging. After I finish a few things I’m heading out to jog! The weather is awesome out – so how can I not go jogging right now? But really, there’s a Papa Johns by me which means I eat Papa Johns regularly now because MAN that smells so good.


Get FIT!

OK self, you can do this
No … not strong enough, you CAN DO THIS!

Mentally psyched? Check.
Physically psyched? Not check.

Every time I think about starting to work out
I think about that vacation in 4 weeks and how that’ll cause a productivity drought
“I’ll be in the swing of things, then vacation will derail me!” I pout,
‘Working out will just have to be put off’ I think, ‘about it there is no doubt.’

I shake it off and think, no, no, you can do this
That’s right – you CAN DO THIS!

Oh wait, my sneakers are in such bad shape
I’ll get blisters and then my foot I’ll have to tape
You see, that’s yet another plausible escape

Forget that! bring on a wicked blister!
Well … No … Don’t bring on a wicked blister
But bring on the workout, no more excuses, mister!/ (not to be sexist)sister!

Yes, I’m shaking it off – I know I can do this
Yeah, I said it, I said I know I CAN DO THIS!

My workout clothes on, I’m starting to stretch
I feel gross already. Does jogging go with a lunch of tex-mex?

Ignore the voices inside my head
Also, ignore my body which is thinking of my bed
My comfortable, comfortable, non-judgmental bed …

No! Stop that! who can do this?
Um? … I? … Can do this?

Uh oh, I’m losing steam
Would taking a nap in work-out clothes be some gym-rat blaspheme?

Quiet, self, picture rock hard abs!
Then picture me being in decent enough shape to date someone with rock hard abs!

I guess … yeah … I guess you can do this?
Yeah! … yeah! … I can probably do this!

I’m out the door, no more thinking!
(Plus I’ve decided my reward for this ‘workout’ will be that buffet for all-you-can-eating-and-drinking)
Yes, dear self, work out some then you can make yourself into stuffing

400 calories burned!
2000 calories earned!!!

Yeah, I can do totally do this
Eyes on the prize and I CAN DO THIS!

Oh sweet Lord what is that glorious smell?
Every neighbor is out cooking – burgers, steak, pizza! – this is hell

You’re taunting me, world
My plan you want unfurled!

Quick, run away from those … do I smell a bakery? … NO! I CAN DO THIS!
I think I’m … yes … I’m actually doing this!

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