The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘conversation’

Mom, Dad … I’m a Keyboardist

Son: Guess what! I’m in a band!
Dad: Good for you!
Mom: My cool son!
Dad: So what kind of music is it?
Son: It’s a world beat kind of thing with a lot of South American music … I play the keyboard and –
Mom: Honey …
Son: Yeah?
Mom: Dear … It’s ok, we’ve known since you were young. Frankly we were wondering when you’d tell us. You didn’t have to invent this keyboardist story.
Son: What?
Dad: Yes, we love you! We’re more progressive than you give us credit for.
Son: What are you guys talking about!?
Dad: Well … That you’re gay …
Son: WHAT!?
Mom: Isn’t keyboardist code for gay?
Son: No! I’m a keyboardist in a band – if anything women will be throwing themselves at me!
Mom: Yeah, for fashion advice.
Son: Oh shut UP!
Dad: Son!!! You DO NOT tell your mother to shut up!
Son: I’m sorry, that was really … It’s just, seriously, I’m not gay and this is very upsetting …
Dad: Oh wait – I just realized – on the shows with gay people they tell women to shut up, and much worse, and they just laugh … I guess that’s part of the deal with being gay.
Mom: Oh honey, you want to take me shopping?
Son: This is awful. I am so angry at you guys. I’m going to hang out with my band.
Mom: Ok sweety, have fun with your “band”! Maybe we can meet him some day?
Son: Aggfhhhhhh!!!

Superman Going Clothes Shopping

“Hi, welcome to McMurphy’s!”

“Hi, thank you.”

“Let me know if I can help you, Mr. Kent.”

“Oh! … Sure … How … uh … How did you know my name?”

“Well … You came in here yesterday … And you bought some clothes … Kent, right? Clark Kent?”

“Yes … Yes … That’s my name … Quite the average name, huh?”

“Um … Sure …”

“Say, do you have any of this size shirt, but in white?”

“Um … Yeah … Here let me look in the back for you …”

“Thanks!”

“…Um … Yeah … We have one …”

“What’s that? It’s hard to hear you when you’re speaking to me from the stock room? I have such normal hearing! Ha!”

“Um … Yeah … Sorry … So … I said … We have one …”

“Great!”

“But it’s pretty expensive. More expensive than the brand you usually buy.”

“Oh … Gosh … Money is pretty tight …”

“I can imagine.”

“What do you mean by that? I have a regular job that any human could have.”

“Um … Well … I meant because uh … Well … Remember yesterday when you were in here … And you bought a new pair of slacks, a tie and a nice shirt?”

“Why, yes, I do remember that.”

“Well … Uh … Then you said you wanted to wear them out?”

“Yes … Perfectly normal. I had a meeting.”

“Right! Yeah! Of course but uh … Well … I found your new clothes … Plus the clothes you’d worn in … umm … In a phone booth … That one … Right there … It’s right outside the door to our store … Like ten feet from where I’m standing.”

“Oh …”

“So uh … I mean you come in here … a lot … And you always buy … Pretty much the same exact thing … And you say you’ve got a regular job …”

“Yes! I’m a reporter! Quite normal!”

“Yeah! No! I completely agree! It’s just uh … Well anyway, I went outside and grabbed all the clothes once I’d noticed you’d ah … misplaced them … And so here they are … Since it’s probably pretty expensive buying new clothes all the time …”

“Oh! How kind of you! Thank you, citizen!”

“And uh … I’ve got a cousin who’s a cop and … Well the cops find … Probably at least twice a day … Um … Clothes … Like the ones you buy here … That … Happen to match what you’re wearing now …”

“Oh! As a journalist … I should investigate this …”

“Yeah, right! Of course! I figured … So my cousin brought all the clothes here in these trash bags … If you want them … For your uh … article …”

“Yes, thank you!”

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