The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘corporate’

Post-Thanksgiving Work Chat Dos and Do Nots

On Monday I’ll be back at work and it will be as exciting as ever. Productivity should be slow in the morning because of the post-vacation catch-up chit chat.

Here are some simple do’s and do not’s for all you socially inept folks out there.

Do:

Co-worker: Hey, how was your Thanksgiving?
You: It was great! Good food, saw family, slept lots! (Fake laugh!)

Don’t:

Co-worker: Hey, how was your Thanksgiving?
You: I rode my bicycle through an Indian Reservation and screamed happy Thanksgiving.
Co-worker: That … Um …

Do:

Co-worker: I clearly ate too much pumpkin pie over Thanksgiving! (Fake laugh!)
You: Tell me about it! We should be allowed to wear sweatpants to work the week after Thanksgiving! (Fake laugh!)

Don’t:

Co-worker: I clearly ate too much pumpkin pie over Thanksgiving! (Fake laugh!)
You: Yeah … It was just Thanksgiving that did you in …

Do:

You: Oh hey, how was your Thanksgiving?
Co-worker: (Long-winded stories.)

Don’t:

You: Oh God, are you serious? I know you’re about to tell me the EXACT SAME stories you JUST told the guy who sits next to me! You really think I want to listen to that again?
Co-worker: …

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Vanilla Ice and the Corporate Game

If you are Vanilla Ice, read on, otherwise this might not apply to you.

Vanilla, Mr. Ice, DUDE!, what’s up? How have you yet to capitalize on your biggest hit and turn that into a corporate workshop which you will charge obscene amounts of money for? Don’t you know how easy it would be? The majority of the groundwork is already done:

  • You have the speech mostly done,
  • You have name recognition so booking corporations will be a breeze!

Possible Itinerary

7 – 830, am breakfast and networking opportunities
830 – 9, Everyone goes to smaller rooms to meet their teams for the day long conference
9 – 10, Main conference area, Vanilla’s speech entitled Stop (where you talk about the importance of not trying to just put out fires but stopping, catching your breath, and forming a plan)
10 – 11, Teams gather to discuss the concepts from the Stop speech and work through some Stop scenarios
11 – 1230, Lunch and networking
1230 – 2, Collaborate speech in the main conference area from Mr. Ice
2 – 3, Teams gather, discuss (collaborate if you will), work through scenarios
3 – 4, Listen speech from Professor Vanilla Ice
4 – 5, Teams gather, etc
5 – 7, Cocktails and networking
7 – 710, For an extra X dollars from the sponsors you can sing the Go Ninja rap from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Come ON Vanilla, this opportunity is so obvious! You know how to find me, lets do this.

I call this look “Corporate Fresh, USA Style.”

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Corporate Brad Update

Lately I have found that I needed to spruce up my work persona. You see, I have not shaved for about a month and it’s drawing comments (notable comparisons: Lincoln, Wolverine, guy who stopped trying). While this is not that big a deal because I am a software engineer and one of my co-workers likes wearing an old t-shirt with cats on it, I do feel like I should try to counter this lazy look with something.Ol Beardy

Maybe some co-workers see the facial hair and think, “he must be a hard worker because he has stopped grooming himself, so that extra energy is now going towards heavy mental lifting.” Other co-workers may see me and think, “there goes Brad, I bet he’s going to sit at his desk and write a poem about oak trees. Or something.”

What better way to counter potential negative reactions than by making myself seem more productive!

Here’s the Solution …

Business.

Sure, we all know the definition. Business is, you know, an entity that makes money or whatever. But what about business as … a verb!

“Where are you going?”
“I have to go to business a Todd meeting.”
“…What’s that mean?”
“Sorry, no time, business.”
“Woah … He’s important.”

Nevermind the fact that I don’t work with a guy named Todd – The person will be flabbergasted by my business acuity. Or should I say the person will be business’d by my business acuity. (More like a business cutey! What? That doesn’t make sense. Shh, yes it does.)

Business this idea over in your brain, and let me know what you think. Meanwhile, I’ve got some important documents to business.

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