The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘thanksgiving’

Attn: Ellen (11/21/18)

Front

Ellen375a

 

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen375b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Here’s a trick I learned for Thanksgiving. If you don’t eat to the point of hating yourself, it’s actually a really nice day with friends and family.

But guess what Aunt Carol, I’m eating till I wanna puke so go screw yourself.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

P.S. Happy Turkey Day!

Why am I doing this?

 

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Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

woahmbat-370

Jesus says ‘slow your roll, son! I hardly think you need thirds. Nah just kidding … Speaking of rolls, pass ’em down!’

Attn: Ellen (11/23/16)

Front

ellen287a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

ellen287b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Here we see a depiction of an American woman escaping contentious and fruitless political conversation over Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, and remember to keep your escape canoe handy.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (11/25/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Thanksgiving is to my belly

as

The beautiful scenery on this postcard is to me (except on Thanksgiving, or possibly the day after … when I prefer 0 movement).

In other words, happy Thanksgiving! I hope it’s wonderful.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

El Thanksgiving

These are arepas. Delicious little devils. They are prepared in different ways, the ones that looked like this at the last place we visited were my favorite. Like little delicious pancakes.

This year for Thanksgiving my fiancé and I were in Bogotá, Colombia. What better feast than some arepas, fruit juices and calentado.

A friend of mine, Juicebox, is from Colombia and got married to a girl who is also from Colombia. Naturally, their wedding was in Colombia.

Here’s something I learned about Colombia which I already miss – they are champions of juice. Not steroids, just … you know, fruit-based drinks.

The juices I got to try while I was there …

  • orange (not so crazy)
  • blackberry
  • lulo (also known as naranjilla or ‘little orange’)
  • maracuyá (a kind of passion fruit)
  • guanabana (also known as soursop … which is much less fun to say)
  • pineapple
  • some unidentified reddish one.

For some, like blackberry (which is mora in Spanish) you would look at the list of juices and hear ‘mora is blackberry’ but others like guanabana, maracuyá and lulo the additional information was, ‘there’s no translation, they just don’t have that in the U.S.’

But … why!? Lulo and guanabana are delicious!  (To me maracuyá was delicious in the form of a milkshake, not so much as a juice.) From looking at other people writing about these things, I have had it reinforced that I enjoy more sweet things than most … Other people actually said these juices were too sweet. What the what?

I found an article talking about Coca Cola potentially selling fruit juices available in Colombia abroad but I have not seen them. I will certainly be keeping an eye out now though. From my quick google searching I didn’t see a reason why those fruits aren’t available in the United States but my guess is the fruits don’t travel well. Either that or Colombia is only too happy to lord this over the rest of the world while sipping delicious drinks.

(On the one hand I would be very happy if Coke brought those juices to the US. On the other hand I’d be sad if it was Coke doing it.)

Another fruit we had was grenadilla. A nice couple told us to try this – we assumed it was an orange and skipped right by it. But no, it has a hard outer shell that is easily cracked. My buddy told me the best way to open this fruit is by bopping your friend on the head to crack the fruit open (we used the table), then there’s a spongy sort of covering that you peel apart to reveal … what appears to be alien brains inside. I am open to trying new foods, but I have to admit I am a wuss when the appearance is a little … oh, alien brain-ish I suppose. But we dove in with spoons and this thing was delicious!

Oh Colombia, please export more fruits!

Fun fact: Colombia’s sixth highest export item is flowers. There were greenhouses all over around Bogotá. Another fun fact: your co-workers will make one dumb joke every seven seconds leading up to your departure and right after your return about suspected exported items from Colombia. For them you give 0 chocolate or coffee gifts.

Attn: Ellen (11/26/14)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

You take the over/under … My number is 100.

That number is how many restaurant owners in the U.S. gave serious thought to the idea of a Thanksgiving meal deal that comes with a free pair of sweatpants for each customer.

Let me know about your decision via Twitter!

Sincerely,
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Post-Thanksgiving Work Chat Dos and Do Nots

On Monday I’ll be back at work and it will be as exciting as ever. Productivity should be slow in the morning because of the post-vacation catch-up chit chat.

Here are some simple do’s and do not’s for all you socially inept folks out there.

Do:

Co-worker: Hey, how was your Thanksgiving?
You: It was great! Good food, saw family, slept lots! (Fake laugh!)

Don’t:

Co-worker: Hey, how was your Thanksgiving?
You: I rode my bicycle through an Indian Reservation and screamed happy Thanksgiving.
Co-worker: That … Um …

Do:

Co-worker: I clearly ate too much pumpkin pie over Thanksgiving! (Fake laugh!)
You: Tell me about it! We should be allowed to wear sweatpants to work the week after Thanksgiving! (Fake laugh!)

Don’t:

Co-worker: I clearly ate too much pumpkin pie over Thanksgiving! (Fake laugh!)
You: Yeah … It was just Thanksgiving that did you in …

Do:

You: Oh hey, how was your Thanksgiving?
Co-worker: (Long-winded stories.)

Don’t:

You: Oh God, are you serious? I know you’re about to tell me the EXACT SAME stories you JUST told the guy who sits next to me! You really think I want to listen to that again?
Co-worker: …

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