The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Du Jour of the Week’

March Haiku

March 1 (Wednesday)
More Game of Thrones watched
That show’s just abusive
Oh you like him? DEAD.

March 2 (Thursday)
Toastmasters meeting
I do meeting minutes now
My style? Verbose.

March 3 (Friday)
Hosted a meeting
Video then discussion
…Engineers all bolt

March 4 (Saturday)
‘Hey kids, IKEA?’
Said the world’s number one dad
In terms of cruelty

March 5 (Sunday)
Went out for a hike
I hoped to spot some eagles
AM I A BIRDER!?

March 6 (Monday)
Sent a mass email
‘This thing is wrong! Needs fixing!’
Oh … Shoot. Nope. I’m dumb.

March 7 (Tuesday)
Kid sees me, jogs too
But, come on kid!, I’m faster!
(Than most five year olds)

March 8 (Wednesday)
Intern interview:
‘Describe garbage collection’
‘Put the bin out?’ HIRED!

March 9 (Thursday)
Work then a late flight
Flying to Minnesota
Seeing fam, and breath

March 10 (Friday)
A day with wife’s fam
Surrounded by love, and snacks
And wise-cracking folk

March 11 (Saturday)
Second eulogy
My wife delivered with grace
Tears and hugs for all

March 12 (Sunday)
Delayed at airport
We’ll miss the kennel window
Won’t get dog til late

March 13 (Monday)
My skin is so dry
I hear empty cup straw-sucking
When lotion’s applied

March 14 (Tuesday)
Doing UX code
“That buttons too button-y”
Ah the squishy stuff

March 15 (Wednesday)
If your arms are ‘guns’
Then are your legs artillery?
Gym rats – please advise

March 16 (Thursday)
March Madness is here!
From basketball atheist
To crazed fanatic

March 17 (Friday)
Can I call in sick
During the SMU game
Then come back to work?

March 18 (Saturday)
Three hour trail jog
Wife got me chocolate milk
Eyes on the prize, self

March 19 (Sunday)
March Madness DRAMA!
This game is heating up! It’s …
Whoops. Dozed off again.

March 20 (Monday)
Felt sick yesterday
Worse today. Know what that means??
9 pm bedtime!

March 21 (Tuesday)
Feel ok, sound bad
I’m the coworker I hate
“Dude! You’re sick! GO HOME!”

March 22 (Wednesday)
Oh hi indie films
A romantic comedy
SHOULDN’T BE SO SAD

March 23 (Thursday)
Senate vote allows
Anything you do online
To be watched and sold

March 24 (Friday)
Making risky jokes
While trying to make new friends
I’m adventurous

March 25 (Saturday)
Cough lingered enough
To justify no long jog
Hellooooooooo non-movement!

March 26 (Sunday)
Iron Fist is eh
But it is better than my
Boring to do list

March 27 (Monday)
Back to working out
Cold sidelined me for a week
Lovely, lazy week

March 28 (Tuesday)
Don’t eat your feelings
Those deep fried, sugar coated,
Tasty, tasty feels

March 29 (Wednesday)
When Tiffany Trump
Gets a book deal in 10 years
What fun that’ll be!

March 30 (Thursday)
Another speech done!
Toastmasters world champ? Not quite.
Champ of this couch? Yep.

March 31 (Friday)
Long day of thinking
Now time to undo all that
With video games

Follow me @DumbFunnery for the daily haiku and probably other tweets you don’t particularly care about.

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Du Jour of the Week

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Double Feature

Recently I finished reading Mayday Orbit by Poul Anderson and No Man’s World by Kenneth Bulmer.

In looking up Poul I was surprised to find he has quite the Wikipedia entry, he was more than just the handful of bad sci-fi books that I had assumed he would be. Of the two I enjoyed Bulmer’s book more.

FullSizeRender(1)Both books featured a main character who was an Earth (or Earth-like) male that women (whether Earthling-like or alien) found attractive, that knew how to handle himself with danger, and had a flippant/wait no I’ve planned all this/wait no I haven’t style. Basically, a bunch of less cool Han Solo precursors. Also, both of them dealt largely with civilizations that looked down or up to others as being more advanced for one reason or another (generally military might related).

I’ve included pictures of the cover of both sides of this book as an explanation for why I bought it. I love campy books, especially sci-fi.

Enough chit chat, lets get to the good stuff. Some of these quotes made me laugh out loud – the authors seemed like geeks trying to imagine what a cool guy would say or do to impress a woman. It didn’t give me much of an impression of a guy drawing on personal experience. (I’m not knocking that, I’d grasp clumsily at writing a character who is suave and debonair and end up basing it on some pre-conceived notion that probably would mostly appeal to men.)

Mayday Orbit

Altaian garments were ridiculously short on him, which was bad for morale. He thanked his elegant ohs for antibeard enzyme …

Flandry noticed once again that Bourtai was no simple barbarian. She came from a genuine and fairly sophisticated civilization, even if it was on wheels. It would be an interesting culture to visit … if he survived, which was dubious.

“Holy hopping hexaglexagons,” he mumbled in awe.

No Man’s World

She’d pierced through with her damned womanly intuition and all the denials in the universe wouldn’t alter her opinion now.

So he was being tailed, then.
So he’d have felt naked if he wasn’t.

She was wearing a transparent negligee that showed most of the things a man might want to see. As Caradine had seen them all before, many times, he could ignore them – with a slight struggle – and concentrate on the reason for their flaunting.

“You see, Mr. Carter, young Tommy Gorse was shot with a one millimeter needle-beam. A one millimeter neadle-beam that was almost certainly a Beatty. Just like the one you have under your arm.”

FullSizeRender

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Du Jour of the Week

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Volunteer Ranger

Tonight (I wrote this a while ago) I am going to attend training to become a volunteer ranger. For posterity, I’d like to go ahead and state some assumptions and stereotypes I have about rangers, and then I can look back on this and see how right or wrong these preconceived notions were.

1. All rangers have the nickname Jean, or Jeanie, or are named Jean, or Jeanie. This is because Jean is a great name (Jeanie, admittedly less so) OR because rangers love wearing Jeans and they are the right combination of dull/pleasant that they sit around thinking of nicknames for each other and all they can come up with is the same nickname over and over.

2. Not all rangers were born in the midwest or the great white north (Minnesota, one of the Dakotas, that kind of region) but all of them are emotionally from those places. For example, you wouldn’t be shocked at all to hear a ranger say, ‘oh ya, you betcha!’ in response to a question like ‘are bears dangerous?’

3. If a ranger is invited to a formal event, like a very fancy wedding, and they are told it is a “black tie” event – that ranger (male or female) will inevitably bring a date who has a mother from Thailand and a father from South Africa. And then that ranger will make numerous racist jokes. And yet, the ranger will still somehow be a real hit.

Also, bonus stereotype, don’t expect to see that ranger on the dance floor.

4. If pressed, a ranger will eventually admit that they do have a tattoo of John Denver, and no, you can’t see where it is.

5. No, you can’t know a ranger’s secret to happiness, but yes, it does involve home-made crossword puzzles.

There you have it, a few simple stereotypes that I’ve been carrying around. I’ll let you know how it goes.

I’d sign off Jean, but I wish! I’m not yet a volunteer ranger. And besides, I bet us volunteer rangers don’t get the Jean nickname. Probably, at best, I’ll be called the Jortster.

white_wash_front-2_850x850

Seen here – me on duty (You want to be a ranger, too? These are Chubbies brand.)

 

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