The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Du Jour of the Week’

Let’s Hear it for Lance

Earlier today I went for a jog and I saw a group of about 20 cyclists. I wondered how many of them used to be Lance Armstrong fans. How many felt betrayed when he revealed that yes, he did cheat. Were any of them still fans?

You know what you don’t hear a lot about? Athletes who dope and don’t make it to the big stage. Sure, it’s easy to join countless others and make Lance Armstrong just because he cheated his way to the top.

But you know what? He also had to keep working out a lot. And, he had to maintain a web of lies which takes a lot of work and memory skills.

Wait – does he need to be threatened, intimidated, cajoled or coerced? Man, I need to write this stuff down!

It’s not easy to get a good work out in when a lot is on your mind, and I bet a lot was on that guys mind. Plus, you had to find time to either paint a Dorian Grey style self-portrait or apply lots of makeup because one would think that much lying would age you faster than the average bear.

With all of this in mind I think it’s only fair that Lance get half credit for each Tour de France.

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Vanilla Ice and the Corporate Game

If you are Vanilla Ice, read on, otherwise this might not apply to you.

Vanilla, Mr. Ice, DUDE!, what’s up? How have you yet to capitalize on your biggest hit and turn that into a corporate workshop which you will charge obscene amounts of money for? Don’t you know how easy it would be? The majority of the groundwork is already done:

  • You have the speech mostly done,
  • You have name recognition so booking corporations will be a breeze!

Possible Itinerary

7 – 830, am breakfast and networking opportunities
830 – 9, Everyone goes to smaller rooms to meet their teams for the day long conference
9 – 10, Main conference area, Vanilla’s speech entitled Stop (where you talk about the importance of not trying to just put out fires but stopping, catching your breath, and forming a plan)
10 – 11, Teams gather to discuss the concepts from the Stop speech and work through some Stop scenarios
11 – 1230, Lunch and networking
1230 – 2, Collaborate speech in the main conference area from Mr. Ice
2 – 3, Teams gather, discuss (collaborate if you will), work through scenarios
3 – 4, Listen speech from Professor Vanilla Ice
4 – 5, Teams gather, etc
5 – 7, Cocktails and networking
7 – 710, For an extra X dollars from the sponsors you can sing the Go Ninja rap from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Come ON Vanilla, this opportunity is so obvious! You know how to find me, lets do this.

I call this look “Corporate Fresh, USA Style.”

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Last Minute Halloween Costumes

Oh no, Halloween is two days away and you’ve got nothing (or if you’re in college you have your fourth Halloween party coming up on Thursday – ugh I’m so sick of Halloween by now you guys, seriously another party?, fine whatever – and you can’t wear something you’ve already worn).

Fret not, I am here to help you.

First off, feel free to check out a past guide (which obviously became internet sensation):

 

Now for this year’s guide:

Last Minute Halloween Costumes

  • Be a Dick Tracy villain (one that I made up just now): Waffle Maker

    Other classic Dick Tracy villains (see, my idea is not so far fetched huh?)

    • His line whenever he offs someone he was paid to “quiet”?
      • “Prepare to meet your Maker …”
    • He then leaves behind a Waffle.
    • What should you wear?
      • Try something dressy and nice (so you look good), and carry around a waffle maker.
    • Want to go the extra mile?
      • Bring a waffle or two to whatever party you’re going to.

 

  • Be Venice Beach for Halloween!
    • Talk with a bad Italian accent
    • Be incredibly rude to everyone
    • Get it? Venice Beach.

 

  • Be a white basketball player!
    • Get one of those “Fun Dip” candy things
    • Whenever someone asks you what you are take the Fun Dip stick and try but continuously fail to get the stick in the sugar packet
    • It’s fairly obvious at this point that you “can’t dunk” so they should be able to connect the dots
    • Want to go the extra mile?
      • Wear workout clothes and carry a basketball (for anyone who isn’t so quick on the uptake like you and I)

 

  • Be a social grave digger!
    • Wear dark clothes
    • Carry a shovel
    • Say really awful or awkward or insulting things to people and then try to talk your way out of it unsuccessfully
    • Note: This costume may come more naturally for some people

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