The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Du Jour of the Week’

Fortune Cookies

One of these days I’m going to make some fortune cookies, and you can bet your fortune cookie loving tushy that the fortunes will be fantastic.

Here, try a few (of the fortunes, not the cookies! you silly goose!):

(Seriously, how could you try the cookies? Do you not understand the Internet?):

(I know I was making a joke as though you could try the cookies but you can’t, ok?, please, let’s just move on and get to the post):

(I’m not even sure I want to blog at this point. You keep bothering me about the fortunes and it’s beginning to upset me.):

(You know what? Yeah, maybe it is writer’s block. And maybe I wish it was an actual block so I could throw it at you because SHUSH with the cookie talk already!!):

(I’m sorry, I don’t want to throw a block at you. I take that back.):

(But hey, what if the block was made out of cookie dough! Haha oh boy, what a wild ride we’ve had):

…Let’s try this again tomorrow, eh friends?

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Du Jour of the Week

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Arizona State Revenue Source

Ok, Arizona, your money woes are solved. What’s that pot hole doing there? Fix it with our oodles of money! What about the damage left after that last haboob? No problemo!

Side note: a haboob, yes a HABOOB, is a “violent and oppressive wind blowing in summer.”

How will you make all of this money? Oh, it’s simple.

You see, Arizona is unique in a number of ways. One of which is it’s drivers license lifespan. In Texas, your license expires six years after you get it. In Alabama, four years later. In Arizona, your license expires when you turn sixty-five!

Let’s ignore how crazy that is and move on to something even crazier. From the website, “Arizona Drivers License Renewal Guide at DMV.org“:

If for some reason you didn’t make it into the DMV before you turned 65, there’s still time. As long as you go in to renew it within the year, the fee will still only be $10.

You can get a regular license at age 18, which means you would have had to have been too busy for forty-seven years. That’s pretty busy. My plan is simple:

Arizona requires that, if your license expires, you have to pay the ten dollars AND you have to give a reason for missing the deadline. Then, Arizona takes the best of the best for those reasons, and they put a simple book out once a year. It’ll be an annual must have. Look soon for “I was busy, OK? Volume 1.”

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Cloning, and Al Roker

You know what would be the first thing I would do if I had a machine that allowed me to clone people? I would clone Al Roker, and I would try to manipulate the clone a little bit (think Brave New World, or genetic cookbook that allows recipe alteration). Here’s what I would end up with: a gang of Al Rokers!

But why, why you ask! I’ll tell you why. Allow me to introduce you to …

  • Al Smoker

Al Smoker is just like Al Roker, but he is cool. Or maybe has bad acne. Or can’t run so much due to the smoking. You know who makes Al Smoker look good though?

  • Al Toker

He has no idea what’s going on, but he’s pretty happy about it. How does Al Toker support his bad habits given he works eight hours a week at a McDonald’s?

  • Al Broker

What’s that? You think I forgot about today’s blog post til this morning when I was watching the Today show and this was the best I could come up with? Well … I wish Al JOKER was here, because he’d know exactly what to say in response.

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