The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumb’

Hit Show Premises

I

A young man who is a compulsive gambler visits Yemen and, easy tiger!, knocks up four women in three days!? Then, tragically, the four young mothers die during childbirth. It’s “All In” the story of a young father trying to raise four kids … while raising the bet.

II

A young man made entirely of yeast visits Russia and, woah there!, knocks up three women in two days!? Then, tragically, the three young mothers die during childbirth. It’s “Go Yeast, Young Man!” the story of a young father trying to raise three children … while raising himself.

III

A young man who is actually a goat visits Greece and, hey now!, knocks up five women in one day!? Then, tragically, the five young mothers die during childbirth. It’s “Grazing Kids Ain’t Easy” the story of a young father trying to raise five kids while grazing, himself.

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

Tagged with:

Say Brad, Whatcha Got There? (Part 2)

This? It’s just my hand. Oh, wait, you’re pointing to that? That thing I’m holding in my hand?

Well, it’s just my lucky jar of mud.

You see, some people who like to travel are also worst case scenario thinkers, like me, for example. And, as worst case scenario thinkers, we just can’t help but imagine some classic traveler scenario such as eating a little bit of food that one is not used to, perhaps a drop of water that a body just doesn’t know what to do with, and then whala, while seeing the Taj Mahal the body up and announces itself in the most unpleasant of ways.

Yes sir, that’s why I’ve got my lucky jar of mud!

You see, I just throw this on my pants and soon everyone around me is saying, “oh, is that a jar of mud you threw on the backside of your nice pants? Cool! I wish I had one too!”

Some travelers may opt for an adult diaper or not being fearful of cosmic diarrhea, but other travelers, ones savvy like myself, well, we opt for a lucky jar of mud!

Isn’t the internet amazing? I searched ‘jar of mud’ and there really is a picture of a fairly gross looking jar of, what we hope is, mud.

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

Tagged with:

Attn: Ellen (2/4/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Now that I am a married man I have big fish to fry. For example, convincing my wife that home birth is the way to go. And then, if it seems like I might convince her, beginning construction of a ship made out of Pyrex kitchen stuff. Why? So our kids can be born on a Pyrex ship!

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Category:

Attn: Ellen

Tagged with: