The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘marriage’

Attn: Ellen (2/4/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Now that I am a married man I have big fish to fry. For example, convincing my wife that home birth is the way to go. And then, if it seems like I might convince her, beginning construction of a ship made out of Pyrex kitchen stuff. Why? So our kids can be born on a Pyrex ship!

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Changes Afoot

The countdown until my wedding is really on, with the big day being less than one month away. What are some of the big changes that are coming my way?

  • Hair, hair, everywhere – my fiancé has long hair AND a dog … Hello, lint rollers
  • You know that thing where you walk around talking to yourself doing different voices because you want to see what sort of weird voices/impressions you can do? With a roommate (the wifey poo) that might now draw more questions
  • My homestead will feature Legos and Steve Martin less noticeably, instead replaced by … I don’t know, whatever boring stuff “grown-ups” have in their homes
  • Someone will notice just how much ice cream and chocolate covered raisins I consume (really, it’ll be the first time someone notices because I just eat those things – I don’t know what’s happening)
  • The Zombino will have to move out (more on this later, I know I have done a poor job of keeping people up to date on his happenings so I will catch everyone up at some point!)
  • Oh yeah and being married will be a change too

De Jour of the Week (11/23/09)

11/23/09

I was thinking about debt, and marriage, and how great you look in those pants – and I wrote this.

Til Debt Do Us Part

What I hear about marriages these days is bringing me grief
50 percent ending in divorce is the going belief.

And again, if what I hear is, in fact, right,
Money is to be blamed for this pitiful plight.

I’ll be honest with you, I’ll be upfront,
I’m not married, and as far as age?, I’m just a runt.

But take a minute, and see what I have to say
If this isn’t informative, it at least rhymes … so yay?

Many years ago a marriage ending was a minor scandal
Something that brought shame and pain and other bad things that are so hard to handle.

At some point, though, the climate changed
And divorce went from ’scandal’ to ’something that can be arranged.’

Change isn’t bad, in fact it can be quite good
In many cases embracing it will enrich your livelihood.

But when the ‘d’ word enters into your thinking
It’s time to sit down, and do some re-thinking.

Arguments happen, people fight, tempers flare, ‘things’ are said
But remember, you got married til someone dies, not til your marriage is dead.

If you can’t let things go, and ‘divorce’ may enter the conversation –
Take my advice, and take a vacation.

‘Til death do us part,’ is awfully severe
‘Til debt do us part’ is fun, and I can get you a package deal.

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