The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumb’

Let’s Hear it for Lance

Earlier today I went for a jog and I saw a group of about 20 cyclists. I wondered how many of them used to be Lance Armstrong fans. How many felt betrayed when he revealed that yes, he did cheat. Were any of them still fans?

You know what you don’t hear a lot about? Athletes who dope and don’t make it to the big stage. Sure, it’s easy to join countless others and make Lance Armstrong just because he cheated his way to the top.

But you know what? He also had to keep working out a lot. And, he had to maintain a web of lies which takes a lot of work and memory skills.

Wait – does he need to be threatened, intimidated, cajoled or coerced? Man, I need to write this stuff down!

It’s not easy to get a good work out in when a lot is on your mind, and I bet a lot was on that guys mind. Plus, you had to find time to either paint a Dorian Grey style self-portrait or apply lots of makeup because one would think that much lying would age you faster than the average bear.

With all of this in mind I think it’s only fair that Lance get half credit for each Tour de France.

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Attn: Ellen (11/13/13)

Front

Ellen145a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 Ellen145b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Do you think we are approaching the streak for most postcards sent without a response?

Actually, I doubt it.

There’s probably some tortured poet of a college kid who sent 500 to an ex-girlfriend.

I’ll keep working on the record, but any time you want to give up is ok with me.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

P.S. Really, annnnny time.

Why am I doing this?

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Attn: Ellen

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Vanilla Ice and the Corporate Game

If you are Vanilla Ice, read on, otherwise this might not apply to you.

Vanilla, Mr. Ice, DUDE!, what’s up? How have you yet to capitalize on your biggest hit and turn that into a corporate workshop which you will charge obscene amounts of money for? Don’t you know how easy it would be? The majority of the groundwork is already done:

  • You have the speech mostly done,
  • You have name recognition so booking corporations will be a breeze!

Possible Itinerary

7 – 830, am breakfast and networking opportunities
830 – 9, Everyone goes to smaller rooms to meet their teams for the day long conference
9 – 10, Main conference area, Vanilla’s speech entitled Stop (where you talk about the importance of not trying to just put out fires but stopping, catching your breath, and forming a plan)
10 – 11, Teams gather to discuss the concepts from the Stop speech and work through some Stop scenarios
11 – 1230, Lunch and networking
1230 – 2, Collaborate speech in the main conference area from Mr. Ice
2 – 3, Teams gather, discuss (collaborate if you will), work through scenarios
3 – 4, Listen speech from Professor Vanilla Ice
4 – 5, Teams gather, etc
5 – 7, Cocktails and networking
7 – 710, For an extra X dollars from the sponsors you can sing the Go Ninja rap from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Come ON Vanilla, this opportunity is so obvious! You know how to find me, lets do this.

I call this look “Corporate Fresh, USA Style.”

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